


Put Me Back Together

by hannahfanficrobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Dark Stuff, Gen, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7213348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahfanficrobron/pseuds/hannahfanficrobron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Very dark this time, rape warning. In this story, Aaron's abuse never happened. Instead it's Robert who suffers and he has to find a way to get past it. Can Aaron help him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am really doubtful I should be posting this, but figure it's better on the site rather than sitting on my hard drive, if anyone wants to give it a read. On the show it's always Robert who's there for Aaron and I wanted to twist it the other way, see how that goes. Will probably get darker as we go...

Robert woke up feeling disorientated and in a hell of a lot of pain. His chest felt tight, bruised. He opened his eyes and found himself staring at the ceiling of what he quickly realised was a hospital, the beeping of machines making that clear. His breathing ratcheted up and he felt panic begin to set in as memories, sharp as photographs filled his mind. An alarm went off on one of the machines and nurses and doctors rapidly came in the room. Far too many people and Robert sank into the panic even further.

“Leave me alone!” he screamed as hands touched him, holding him to the bed. He didn’t care that they were trying to help him, the firm grip was so constricting it felt painful, agonising. “No!” The sharp scratch of the needle in his arm made him fight even more until the drugs through his system made him fade away, the pull of unconsciousness dragging him down into oblivion.

* * *

 

“What’ve you given him?” Aaron looked at Robert through the small window of the hospital room, comatose on the hospital bed, feeling empty. Robert looked so small and helpless, and he hated seeing his husband like this.

“A sedative,” the doctor said. “Not too strong. He got quite aggressive and he panicked when he woke up.”

“Look, you’re going to have to tell me what’s happened,” Aaron said. “All I know is I get a call telling me my husbands unconscious in hospital. I need more information.”

“Maybe you should sit down,” the doctor said, leading him to a private room. The only words running through Aarons head were: _th_ _is is bad. This has got to be really bad._ ”

“He’s going to be all right, isn’t he?” Aaron said urgently.

“Mr Sugden’s got two fractured ribs and a lot of bruising,” the doctor started. “But that’s not what’s concerning us. Physically, he will heal.”

“Just say it,” Aaron said, hating the way he was treading delicately. He’d prefer it to be blunt.

That was until the doctor gave him his silent wish.

“There’s evidence of sexual assault.”

* * *

 

Aaron couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. Ever since those words had left the doctors mouth, there was nothing else running through his mind. He sat by Robert’s bedside, waiting for him to wake up. He’d been sat here for four hours and apparently he should be waking up any time now. The drugs they’d given him to knock him out weren’t that strong. He wanted to hold Roberts hand, but he’d been advised not to. Robert had had quite a violent reaction when he’d woken up on his own. And Aaron hadn’t been here for him. He’d been sleeping all the time Robert had been going through hell and he felt so terribly guilty for it.

“…mm…” Robert’s eyes were still closed but he was twitching slightly.

“Hey,” Aaron said quietly, watching Robert stir. He was itching to hold his hand, needing to touch him. But he didn’t know what Robert would need, so he didn’t. “You’re safe,” he said quietly as Robert opened his eyes. He recognised the panic in his face, so he tried to assure him. “You’re in hospital, you’re safe.” Robert’s eyes fell on Aaron’s face, and Aaron hated the fear there. Robert never ever looked small or misplaced, but he did right now. Robert turned to look back at the ceiling, not wanting to look at Aaron right now.

“God, I feel like I’ve been run over by a train.”

“You’ve got two fractured ribs,” Aaron said quietly.

“Yeah, feels like it.”

“Rob…”

“Don’t,” he said harshly. Out of instinct Aaron reached for his hand. Robert snatched his palm away. “Don’t touch me.” His words were quiet, but Aaron could hear the fear behind them.

“Robert… the doctors mentioned…” Aaron didn’t know exactly how to form the words. Didn’t want Robert to react badly if he said something wrong. Robert closed his eyes and rolled onto his side, away from Aaron so he couldn’t look at him. It must have been pure agony for his fractured ribs but he didn’t make a sound of protest against the pain.

“Just go,” Robert said quietly.

“I can’t leave you,”

“You know, don’t you?” Robert said, still speaking into the bed.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. Pointless to deny it.

“I can’t talk about it,” he said.

“Okay.” Aaron wouldn’t push.

“Please go,” Robert said quietly, his voice breaking. “Just go.”

“Okay,” Aaron agreed, seeing him so upset. Even if Robert wasn't crying, he could hear the waver in his voice. “But I will be back.” Robert couldn’t respond to that, he didn’t have it in him. When the door closed behind Aaron he let out the breath he’d been holding. He didn’t know what drugs he was on, but it didn’t feel enough. Robert’s entire body was in pain but it wasn’t just that. His body didn’t feel like it belonged to him any more. It’d turned traitor and had allowed such horrible things to happen… how could he endure it? How was he expected to live past it? He hadn’t got to crying yet, he knew he was still partially in shock. But that didn’t help. The sad, pitying look on Aaron’s face wasn’t one he’d soon forget. When he’d first opened his eyes, Aaron had calmed him. His beautifully familiar face. One still point in a world that had tipped on its axis. But after the initial relief, he realised he didn’t want to see Aaron. Not when he looked at him like that. The pity, the fear, the hopelessness. He could not bear that for a second longer than he had to. Which is why he’d turned away, making his ribs throb sharply. But he couldn’t look at his husband when he looked like that. It hurt far too much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the encouragement on Ch1, I know it's a dark subject and I wasn't sure how it'd be received!

Aaron sat picking at the edge of his polystyrene coffee cup in the hospital waiting room. Robert wasn’t talking. The police had been in to interview him and as far as Aaron could tell, he hadn’t said a single word. Just stared blankly at the ceiling and when they‘d left they were muttering to themselves. It was obvious Robert had been unhelpful, and he also hadn’t allowed Aaron to come back to the room, not even to sit with him in silence. Robert hadn’t exactly asked him not to do this, so he knew he was taking a risk, but Aaron hated the fact he couldn’t reach Robert. He picked up his phone and called Victoria.

“What?” she answered sleepily. “What time is it?”

Aaron had no idea so he scanned the room and found a clock on the corridor wall. Midnight, just gone. So Vic had been asleep. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have called,” Aaron said, backing out. 

“Aaron?” she asked. “W… what is it? Is it Rob? It’s Robert isn’t it?”

“Yeah, look he’s fine, I shouldn’t have called.”

“You seriously think I’m going to sleep now?” Victoria asked and he could hear her getting out of bed. Aaron sighed and just got it over with.

“He’s been beaten up,” Aaron said. “He’ll be okay.” Would he? Aaron silently worried. “He’s got two fractured ribs.”

“Oh my God,” Victoria said, shocked. Aaron had no intention of telling her the rest of it, the worst of it. If Robert wanted her to know, he’d tell her himself. Despite how he was acting, there was nothing wrong with his voice. “Look, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“He doesn’t need you, if you…”

“Course he does,” Vic interrupted. “I’m on my way.”

“Careful though,” Aaron said. “Don’t get too upset.”

“Is he awake? Is he conscious?”

“Er… yes,” Aaron settled on.

“Good. I’m half an hour away.”

“Vic, I mean it,” Aaron said firmly. “Take care when driving.”

“I will,” she said. “I know you mean well, Aaron.”

“Need you to take care of my niece don’t I?” Aaron said, trying for a lighter tone.

“She’s fine, she’s kicking like mad.”

“Good,” Aaron said. “See you in a bit.”

“Bye.” Aaron ended the call and felt like he could have made a massive mistake. She’d have had to have known eventually, at least about the fractured ribs. The doctor had told Aaron that Robert would need bed rest for at least three to four weeks for the ribs to heal. Victoria would notice if Robert suddenly vanished from the village. Aaron hadn’t quite let his mind go to how Robert would recover from everything else. The doctors had told him that Robert had been raped, more than once. Aaron didn’t even want to think about how they knew that. He’d been found unconscious on the pavement and someone passing had called an ambulance.

Aaron hadn’t expected him home, he’d been staying over in Leeds for some stupid business meeting in the morning. So he’d slept the whole night alone in their bed while Robert was being attacked. He felt sick with himself. Even though he couldn’t have known, couldn’t have done anything, he still felt ill. Throwing his coffee cup in the bin, he knocked on Robert’s hospital room. He didn’t wait for an answer, but went in anyway, staying by the door.

“Aaron…” Robert said quietly. “I just want to sleep.” This was a downright lie and they both knew it. Aaron had been watching from outside and he’d never seen Robert be more awake.

“You’re not going to like this. Actually you’re going to want to kill me.”

“What’ve you done?” A sentence. Aaron tried not to get his hopes up that Robert was actually talking to him.

“I’ve called Vic.”

“You did what!” Robert shouted, trying to sit up, then groaning as the pain spasmed in his chest. “Why? Why would you do that?”

“I just… you’re not talking to me, and I thought she might help. She’s on her way.”

“Did… did?” Robert’s eyes were wide and fearful, and Aaron knew what he was asking.

“I told her you had fractured ribs,” Aaron said. “Nothing else.” Robert scanned his face, as if looking for the lie. Then he breathed out in relief when he sensed Aaron was telling the truth.

“Get out,” Robert said tiredly.

“It’s not your fault,” Aaron said quietly, knowing he was fighting a losing battle.

“Get out,” Robert repeated, louder and eyes hard as stone. Aaron did what he asked, and waited for Victoria. Hoping that she might be able to reach him. He always did have a soft spot for his little sister.

* * *

 

Robert knew he shouldn’t be angry with Aaron. He wasn’t, not really, but he was angry. And the anger needed to find an outlet, and at the moment Aaron was the only one here.

“He shouldn’t have called you,” Robert said when Vic came in the room, forcing a smile at him. “You should be taking care of yourself.” He looked at her pregnancy bump pointedly.

“He said you’ve got broken ribs,” Victoria replied. From the look on her face, he knew Aaron had been honest. He hadn’t told her the rest of it, the worst part of it. Robert could deal with the pain and the ribs would heal. But with Aaron knowing the truth he felt so exposed. It was easier here with Vic. When she didn’t know.

Victoria sucked in her breath, frowning as her hands went around her large stomach. “All right?” Robert asked concerned. “You're in the right place if something’s wrong.”  
“Fine,” she said. “Just, she’s really kicking.”

Robert took a moment, thinking about that. “C… can I…?”

“Yeah,” Victoria said, smiling at her brother. Robert put a hand to her stomach but Vic shook her head. She covered his hand with her own and moved it to the correct place. It was the first touch of someone he’d allowed himself since arriving in hospital and he swallowed against the brief uncomfortable sensation of Vic’s hand over his.

“There,” she said, unaware of anything changing in Robert’s demeanour. “If you push, she’ll kick back.” Vic let go and Robert felt like he could breathe again. Trying not to show how disconcerted he’d been, he pushed the place on her stomach she’d indicated. It took about three seconds but there was a definite ripple under his fingertips and he smiled. It felt almost forced on his face, but it was there. He pressed again and the kick from the baby came back harder this time.

“Ooh,” Vic said, groaning. “That was a big one.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, pulling his hand back. “Now do me a favour and go home. I’m fine, my ribs will heal and Aaron shouldn’t have called you.”

“I’d have been mad if he hadn’t,” she said. “I’m your sister, I need to know. Maybe I should talk to a doctor.”

“No!” Robert snapped and she stared at him. “It’s fine. Just leave it, Aaron’s got it under control.”

“Mm,” she said, as though she doubted it.

“Go home and take care of your baby,” Robert said firmly. “I’m going to sleep soon anyway.”

“Call me when you’re home,” Vic said. Robert nodded, flinching a little as Vic leaned over him to kiss his cheek goodbye. He couldn’t show it’d effected him and by the time she’d straightened up, he had his mask firmly in place.

“Can you send Aaron in?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Sleep though.”

“I will,” Robert said tiredly.

* * *

 

“He wants to see you,” Victoria said. “Insisting I should go home. Is… is he all right?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, though he knew he wasn’t convincing in the slightest. She didn’t push.

“Thanks for calling.”

“He’d never admit it, but he needed to see you, and the bump," Aaron said, knowing it was true.

“Thanks anyway,” Vic said, leaving the hospital. Aaron took a deep breath, twisting his wedding ring around his finger several times before walking into Robert’s hospital room. He had no idea what he was about to hear, but he needed to be there for Robert.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So instead of putting this up tomorrow, I got it finished quicker than I expected. "Enjoy?" If that's the right word!
> 
> Oh, also forgot to mention that in this universe Liv doesn't exist.

Aaron walked into the room and sat down by Robert’s bedside, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

“I can’t talk about it,” Robert said darkly.

“Don’t need you to,” Aaron said honestly. He would, they would have to talk about it at some point but not yet when it was still so fresh and raw. 

“You were right, though,” Robert said, hating to admit it. “Seeing Vic did help. She’s getting so big now.”

“Tell me about it,” Aaron said. “Every time I see her, the bump seems bigger.” Robert smiled at that, and when he did Aaron could see the dark shadows under his eyes, saw how tired he looked.

“Can you sleep?”

“I doubt it,” Robert said. As much as he was trying to fight it, the images of the last twenty four hours were starting to invade his mind. Images he wasn’t ready to focus on.

“Robert, what do you need from me?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to feel. How I should feel. Just… it’s like it’s all broken and…” he sighed very heavily. “I don’t know.”

Aaron felt a tiny bit of relief. Robert was actually talking and that was progress. They fell into silence as Aaron watched Robert staring at the ceiling. Aaron knew he wasn’t really seeing it though.

“Can I hold your hand?” Aaron asked quietly. Their eyes connected and Robert knew that if he said no, Aaron would respect that and not question it or be hurt by it.

“Try it.” It was said honestly because Robert had no idea how he’d react. Aaron smiled and gently laced his fingers through Robert’s, keeping a purposefully light grip. It was the first time he’d touched his husband since the assault. Aaron couldn’t express how good it felt when Robert tightened his grip, keeping his hand firmly against his own.

“Close your eyes,” Aaron said. “Try and get some rest.” Robert took his advice, still holding Aaron‘s hand.

* * *

 

Robert awoke disorientated. Unfamiliar bed, strange noises surrounding him. Then it came back to him. Hospital, attack, police. Aaron. Trying to calm his racing heart he turned and saw Aaron still sitting next to his bed, but asleep. His legs were stretched in front of him, head on one shoulder as he breathed evenly. His hand rested on the bed, palm up where he’d clearly let go of Robert’s hand somewhere in the middle of the night. Seeing him next to him actually calmed Robert. Unexpectedly but it did. When Aaron was sleeping, he wasn’t likely to be asking awkward questions, or questions he wasn’t ready to answer.

Sadly, the silence didn’t last long. Aaron woke up about three minutes after he did. “Hi,” he said, screwing his face up as he tried to fully wake up. He twisted his neck, wincing at the movement. “God, my neck hurts. Such a bad sleeping idea.”

“Poor you,” Robert said.

“Oh, God, I didn’t mean…” Aaron said quickly. Then stopped when he realised Robert was joking. “Too early,” Aaron said, smiling slightly.

“Sorry,” Robert said. “Can you get me out of here?”

“You want to go home?”

“More than anything,” Robert said sincerely.

“Okay, I’ll see if they’ll let you go.”

“Be convincing,” Robert said.

“Are we going to talk…?”

“Not here,” Robert said. “I can’t.”

“Fine,” Aaron said, moving to get up.

“Don’t pity me,” Robert said, before he could stop himself.

“I wasn’t,” Aaron said bluntly. “You know me, I don’t go in for pity much.” The words were accompanied by a small smile which took the sting out of them, Aaron‘s eyes bright. It actually made Robert smile in response. “I’ll see if they’ll discharge you.”

* * *

“You’ve got to fill out these forms, then they’ll let you go,” Aaron said when he returned to Robert’s hospital room.

“I need you to go home.”

“Robert…”

“No, you don’t get it. They’ve um…” Robert looked away, picking at a spot on the bed before closing his eyes. “My clothes are in police evidence. And I really want to go home so I need you to pick me up something to wear.”

“Okay,” Aaron said surely, feeling his hear drop a notch or two lower than it had been. He hadn’t even thought of that. “Right, I’ll go now.” Aaron stood up and walked towards the door. Only the sound of Robert’s voice called him back.

“Aaron.”

“Yeah?”

“I do love you, you know?”

Aaron smiled, more with his eyes than his lips, but it was good to see, calming to Robert.  
“I know. I love you too. I‘ll be back in an hour.”

“Thanks.” Robert sighed with relief once he was alone. He knew once they got home Aaron would want to talk about it, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be ready for that.

* * *

 

Robert collapsed on the sofa, finally home a little over two hours later. His chest hurt and he could almost feel his ribs throbbing. “You need to call Vic, tell her I’m home,” Robert said quietly.

“I will,” Aaron said. “Are we just going to pretend everything’s normal, or do you want to talk?”

“What would you like me to say?” Robert asked, his voice cold.

“I don’t know, Robert,” Aaron said. “Whatever would help you. I don’t much care if it’s screaming or crying. Or anything in between.” Robert stood up, needing to be in control of something. Aaron stayed silent, waiting for Robert to say something. Anything. He could feel the tension in the room, but he wasn’t going to be the one to break it. He knew Robert better than himself at times, and Robert had to talk.

“I fought,” Robert said, the words seeming to take a physical effort from him, like they'd been ripped from his throat. “It’s how I ended up with broken ribs, because I _fought_. It just wasn’t enough.” Robert bit his lip, debating for a moment before making a decision. “Don’t come near me.” Robert watched him, making sure Aaron showed no sign of moving before he turned around, and took his shirt off. Aaron held back his gasp with difficulty. There was such bruising on his upper back, purple and mottled blues that it took a second or two for him to realise what he was looking at. Then it came into focus, the clear shape of a boot print on his back. Someone had had his foot on top of Robert with enough pressure that it’d bruised this badly. To stop him from moving, Aaron assumed.

“That’s bad,” Aaron said, completely shocked as Robert turned to face him, putting his shirt back on. He had no words.

“One way of putting it,” Robert said, pretending nonchalance. Like it didn’t matter. “I couldn’t move. You can imagine how that felt with newly cracked ribs.” Aaron could imagine that level of pain. “It was the kind of pain I was begging to pass out from. At least if I was unconscious then…”

“Yes,” Aaron said. He had no idea what else to say.

“That’s all the discussion I’ve got in me for one day.” Robert sat back on the sofa. “I’ll have a whisky, though.”

Aaron forgot the lecture about mixing alcohol with his painkillers and the early hour and silently poured him one. A large one. When he passed Robert the glass, their fingers touched lightly. Robert almost flinched from the touch. Because it was unexpected.

“Sorry,” Aaron said. “I’m going to call Vic, tell her you’re home.” Robert said nothing as Aaron left the room, Robert downing the whisky in one, ignoring the burn down his throat.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hello?”

“Sorry?”

“You’re not listening to me, are you?” Adam sighed in exasperation as Aaron looked up from his work at the scrap yard and shook his head. His mind wasn’t on work and he couldn’t even take Adam’s teasing this morning. “Look, Vic told me about Robert. Go home. Be with your husband. You’re no use here anyway.” It’d been two days since Robert had got home and Aaron was struggling to cope with his mood swings. He’d veer from completely normal, the way he used to be, to totally silent usually accompanied by whisky.

“No, Robert doesn’t want to be with me right now,” Aaron said, rubbing his temple. It was true, and reasonable under the circumstances but it still hurt.

“Probably should have thought about that before he married you,” Adam joked. It didn’t even get a smile from Aaron. “Okay!” Adam raised his eyebrows and left the cabin, leaving Aaron groaning. He had no idea how to handle this, how to help Robert cope. But maybe Adam was right, maybe he should go home.

* * *

Robert had been sleeping it off since Aaron had left. The painkillers and booze had been really successful in knocking him out. He’d slept for most of the past two days, but he didn’t care. The oblivion of unconsciousness was too welcome to ignore. When he was awake, his mind dwelled on things it shouldn’t, couldn’t. Pain he could cope with. He’d led quite an interesting life after all and it probably wouldn’t be the last time he’d be punched outside a bar. It was the memory of being abused, being forced and completely unable to move that had him shying away and wanting to slip back to sleep. And while he loved Aaron completely, with more passion than he’d ever thought possible, he couldn’t tell Aaron the details. It would disgust him. Which meant they were on a loop in his mind, going over and over again. He would dearly love to be able to shrug this off, say it didn’t affect him, but even for him, that would be a pathetic lie.

“Aaron?” Robert called from the bedroom. Nothing. Probably still at the scrap yard then. With a groan he managed to get out of bed and walked into the kitchen, looking for whisky and painkillers. Glancing at the clock he was due another dose. Washing the pills down with the whisky, he topped the glass up again, wondering if it was even worth it or should he just drink straight from the bottle. No, that was a level of desperation he hadn’t reached. Yet.

“Are you sure drinking that much is a good idea?”

“It helps.” He hadn’t turned at Aaron’s voice, then realised that wasn’t the best idea. In bed he’d struggled with the pressure of a shirt on his injuries, so he’d taken it off. He hadn’t bothered putting it back on and the bruising would be quite clear to Aaron right now. He went rigid when he realised that.

“Robert…” Aaron was closing the distance between them and Robert froze, glass halfway to his lips. He was barely even breathing.

“What?” he asked, waiting for Aaron to touch him, bracing himself for it.

“I’m not going to touch you,” Aaron said quietly, as if able to read his mind. After all this time together, maybe he could. His voice was close, behind Robert‘s left shoulder. “You can’t push me away though. I’m going to be here. No matter how hard you try.”

“I’m not meaning to push,” Robert said honestly, bracing his hands on the kitchen counter. “I don’t know how to behave around you any more. I wish you didn’t know.”

“Why?”

“It’s easier to know how to act when you don’t” Robert said quickly, still not looking at him. “I can just go back to being me. I did with Vic. It was easy.”

“Easy to keep your mask on, more like,” Aaron said under his breath.

“Maybe.”

“It doesn’t change you,” Aaron said. “What happened doesn’t change who you are.”

“Of course it does. It can’t not.” Robert shook his head, looking down at the kitchen counter. But Aaron wasn’t moving. He had the feeling that Aaron wasn’t going to leave. “Can you get me some paperwork from the Haulage business? I can’t just sleep all day.”

“Robert, I’m not sure…”

“Well, it’s either that or drowning in whisky,” Robert said, turning to him and looking in his eyes. “I’m guessing you’d rather me do the paperwork.”

“Fine,” Aaron said heavily. “I’ll ask Nicola for it.”

“Don’t say anything about…” Robert started. After all, he’d been in Leeds for a business meeting, the contact who’d never showed.

“What do you take me for?” Aaron asked. “You need to stop drinking.”

“How else would you like me to cope?” Robert asked bitterly. Aaron moved to walk away but Robert stopped him, grasping his hand without looking at him. “I know this isn’t your fault, Aaron,” he said, tightening his grip. “I just need to work it through on my own.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. He didn’t let go of Roberts hand, wanting the touch for as long as Robert was comfortable with it. Robert slipped his fingers up to Aaron’s wrist, still not looking at him as he felt the warmth of his skin.

“Aaron…” He recognised that soft tone in Robert’s voice, what he was asking for. So Aaron turned towards Robert and kissed him, very gently. Robert closed his eyes and did it again, so soft, so fragile. Letting himself feel Aaron’s lips against his own. When they parted Robert found his forehead resting against Aaron‘s for a moment, and the touch felt so good, grounding for him. Until it became too much and Robert moved away from him.

“You could buy another bottle of whisky when you’re out,” Robert said, bringing them both back to earth with an unpleasant bump.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who're still reading and want more of this! It means so much to me to know people are interested in this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who're commenting on this, it means the world to me, and makes me want to keep going. Just a warning that this chapter is graphic. I've tried to tone it down a bit, but there's still descriptions of rape here.

A few more days passed. Neither had said anything to the other, and Robert was becoming silent and sleeping a lot. The only thing that had stopped Aaron putting his foot down and saying something, anything to him was the fact he’d downgraded whisky to beer. He shouldn’t be drinking at all on his medication, but Aaron felt he had to chose his battles.

Because of his injuries, Robert’d barely left the house since coming home. But after a long day at the scrap yard, Aaron was surprised to come home to an empty house. No note, no nothing. Aaron called him, and it rang straight through to answer phone. Trying to fight the panic, he sent Robert a text.

_Where are you? Just let me know you’re okay._ Aaron debated adding something else, like a love you, but felt it might be too much.

_Needed some air. I’m okay. x_ Aaron felt the panic subsiding a bit, but after five minutes in the empty house, he couldn’t bear it. Even if he didn’t find Robert, he had to try.

Actually it didn’t take him long to find Robert at all. He was sat on the steps outside the cricket pavilion, legs stretched in front of him, bottle of beer in hand. He looked up as he saw Aaron approaching.

“It’s a nice evening,” he said. “Didn’t want to be cooped up inside.” Aaron looked around, the sun setting in the distance. It was a nice evening, clear skies and no noise of traffic, a cool breeze on them both.

“Are you in pain?” Aaron asked. He wore his leather jacket and Aaron knew the weight would be hurting his injuries, but Robert just shrugged.

“I can’t do this in the house.” Robert swallowed uncomfortably. “You want to know what happened?”

“Want… that’s the wrong word,” Aaron said. “But yes. If you need to tell me.”

“I don’t want you to know,” Robert said. “I really don’t, but I feel like it’s trapped inside me, poisoning me. I’m going to have to talk or I’m going to explode.”

“Okay,” Aaron said carefully.

“I was meeting a business contact in a pub. It was meant to be casual, just a dinner. But he never showed. I called him and there was no answer. I waited for over an hour. Gave up and decided to have some food anyway. I hadn’t eaten all day.” Aaron was silent, waiting. He knew this was going to be incredibly difficult to hear and he dearly hoped he could be strong enough. If he couldn’t, there would probably be no hope for them.

“It was too early to go back to the hotel, so I went to a bar. They had the football on so I stayed, drinking beer while I watched it. It was just… a good boring night.” Robert took a deep shuddering breath, running his free hand through his hair in agitation. “It wasn’t that late when I left. Maybe eleven or a little past. I didn’t expect any trouble.” Robert closed his eyes and took another breath. Aaron felt sick, knowing what was coming.

“Three men came out of nowhere. I… thought they were going to mug me. I think that’s what one of them wanted, he didn’t seem as interested as the other two.” Robert swallowed hard before continuing. “They grabbed me and started hitting me. I took my wallet out, thinking it’d be worth handing over a few notes but… made no difference. I started to fight back.” A small smile. “You know I can throw a good punch when I need to.”

“I do,” Aaron said, forcing his mouth to tilt up like Roberts had.

“I think I broke one of their noses,” Robert said. “It was why he was so angry. The first one grabbed my arms behind my back and I couldn’t move as another one punched me. I could almost feel my ribs going, the pain was blinding.” Robert was breathing very heavily and Aaron felt slightly concerned for his ribs, not wanting him to have any lung problems now.

“You don’t have to…”

“I do,” Robert said. “There was a scuffle and before I knew it, I was pressed to the ground and I couldn’t move. I didn’t realise one of them had his boot on me at the time, the pain was just…” Robert shook his head again. “It happened quickly after that. They undid my belt. Stripped me from the waist down. I tried to move, but the foot on my back wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t even call out, my lungs felt shredded. I wanted it all to stop.” Robert took another deep breath. “I couldn’t stop it.” Aaron could see the water in his eyes, knew he was just one tiny step from crying. He ached to comfort his husband, desperate to touch him, but wasn’t sure Robert would welcome it. After a few seconds he couldn’t hold back any more, he wrapped an arm around Robert’s shoulders. He let him for a few seconds before moving away from him, needing the space.

“The first one was quick. Painful, but quick. It was the second guy who… broke me.” Robert’s voice was wavering and he looked straight at the ground, not wanting to see Aaron. He needed to talk, needed to say the words. He just wished Aaron wasn’t the one to hear them. He didn’t need his husband thinking about this whenever he looked at him. “The second man wanted… more. To get under my skin. He wanted to get me responding to him.” Robert couldn’t go on. Aaron decided on the blunt approach, realising what must have happened.

“He got you hard.” No reaction from Robert at all. “Didn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Robert said, feeling so ashamed of himself. His shoulders were hunched and he was looking into the distance. Like he wanted to be anywhere else but here right now. “He… stroked me off, and I couldn’t stop it. My mind was screaming at me, but… I felt completely out of control. I felt sick with myself. Ever since it happened, I can’t believe I reacted that way. My body isn’t my own any more.” Robert had run out of words, he had no more to give. The silence became overwhelming and Aaron couldn’t stand it any longer, couldn’t sit here watching Robert in such unimaginable pain and do nothing.

“Come here,” Aaron said, pulling Robert into his arms. It was just a hug, but Robert needed it, Aaron could tell. Robert buried his face in Aaron’s shoulder, simply breathing him in. Despite the fact that Aaron was the smaller man, Robert found such comfort from curling up against him. He hadn’t cried, not yet. Couldn’t go there, but he knew that telling Aaron would help. He still felt disgusted with himself, with his own bodies reaction, hating himself. But Aaron’s arms around him made him feel… safe. He could smell his skin, dirt from the scrap yard, sweat all over his body and the familiar scent of him was so good. He’d not let himself be closer to Aaron that absolutely necessary (except for that one kiss), afraid of what he’d feel. But this was good. His strong reassuring body was exactly what Robert needed, and he hadn’t even realised it. 

Aaron reached for him and stroked his hair gently. Robert was so grateful that Aaron stayed silent, that he didn’t ask if this was okay, didn’t ask for reassurance. This was so natural between them that the words weren’t necessary. Aaron could feel Robert relaxing into him, and knew that this was touch wasn't too much. He enjoyed threading his fingers through Robert’s hair. It’d been a long time since he’d been allowed to touch him this way. They had no idea how long they sat there, Robert’s words bouncing around both of their minds. It wasn’t until it was pitch black and Robert started shivering that they moved. Once the connection between them was broken they both felt much colder.

“Home?” Robert suggested.

“I’m going for a run,” Aaron said quietly. Even in the dim light from the street lamp near the cricket pavilion, Robert looked appalled. “No, I just need… to settle things. It’ll clear my head, you know it will.”

“Should I have…”

“No,” Aaron said firmly, knowing what he was asking. “You shouldn’t have kept it to yourself. I’m glad I know.”

“You’re not going to push it, are you?” Robert asked concerned.

“No,” Aaron said. “I’ll be back home in an hour.”

“Okay,” Robert said. He couldn’t stop him anyway, but he also couldn’t stop the fear he felt at Aaron turning back to one of his old coping mechanisms. He walked back to the house alone, hoping Aaron would be back soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected extra chapter today, to say thank you for the Kudos and comments!!

Aaron didn’t go for a run. Or not exactly. He raced to the scrap yard as fast as he could go because he wanted to hit something. He wanted to hurt somebody. And if he couldn’t do that, working out his anger and frustration on pieces of random metal would have to be good enough for the time being. It wasn’t enough to hurt him, they’d wanted to humiliate him, make him feel it. Aaron couldn’t remember feeling this kind of pure hatred that he did towards the men who’d done that to Robert.

He kept beating up the scrap until his arms were throbbing with it. He knew Adam would ask in the morning what the hell had happened, but it didn’t matter. They might have told no one else what Robert had gone through, but people weren’t stupid. Aaron wasn’t his normal self, he’d avoided the Woolpack ever since. Not even seen his mother and Robert was most certainly hiding himself away. It didn’t matter that Aaron told everyone he was on bed rest, because the old Robert wouldn’t have cared about “doctors orders.”

Aaron curled his palms into fists, feeling the roughness of his broken skin from throwing scrap around. If Robert asked what he’d been up to, he wouldn’t lie. He just hoped he wouldn’t ask. Aaron decided enough was enough and he went home. Robert shouldn’t be alone for too long after _that_ emotional conversation.

* * *

 

Alone at home, Robert found himself lying on his side, on their bed, breathing steadily as he listened to the silence. As time ticked by, he felt the tears building and this time, for the first time he let them out. He hadn’t wanted to cry in front of Aaron, hadn’t wanted him to see him as weak. Needed to keep some little part of himself safe. He’d barely started when he heard the door close. Aaron had been much quicker than he’d expected and he rubbed his face viciously. It didn’t help because now he’d started, he couldn’t stop.

“Rob, are you…?” Aaron stopped as he walked into the bedroom, seeing the state he was in. “Hey. It’s all right,” Aaron said, his voice changing to a more soothing tone.

“I can’t stop,” Robert breathed. Aaron got on the bed without asking, laying next to Robert as he wrapped an arm around him. Robert was shirtless, he always was at home these days because it didn’t hurt as much on his injuries, and Aaron found his hand on his bare back, the warm skin against his fingertips.

“Sorry, is that…”

“Fine,” Robert said, managing to stop crying. “Actually…” He shifted on the bed so he lay on his front, leaving Aaron looking at his back. “How bad is it?”

“It’s getting better,” Aaron said. It was, the bruising fading. If Aaron hadn’t have known there was a boot print there, he wouldn’t have been able to see it.

“Show me,” Robert said quietly. The intense honest look in his eyes made Aaron exactly sure what he meant. Aaron ran his fingers over the marks the attack had left on Roberts body, being very gentle, very careful. Robert let out his breath in a sigh, closing his eyes. Aaron’s fingertips felt simply exquisite on his bruised skin. He started at Roberts waist, slowly moving up until he reached his shoulders. Then he laughed, a laugh which he tried to cover.

“What’s so funny?” Robert asked, unbelievably hurt that that would ever be his reaction.

“This is.” Aaron traced an old scar on Robert’s right shoulder blade, about four inches long. Robert smiled at the memory, now knowing what he was looking at.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Robert said easily. “Your uncle got it into his thick head that I should have asked "permission" before marrying you.” 

Aaron laughed at the good memory. “Cain didn’t mean to hurt you,” Aaron said. Cain had grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him against a row of bottles in the pub. A few of them had smashed, but one had really ended up deep in his shoulder. While not being apologetic in the slightest, it’d been clear that Cain hadn’t intended for Robert to need stitches. “God, that bled for ages.”

“I remember, I was there,” Robert said. Aaron laughed. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to the scar, remembering better days. He moved away but Robert shook his head. “Can you keep going?” Aaron said nothing, but did what he asked.

Robert was breathing in and out very heavily as Aaron resumed the gentle touch, almost a massage and Aaron slowed, worried he‘d gone too far, but he kept his hands on his shoulders lightly. “Robert?”

“No, please don’t stop,” Robert said, almost begging. His body remembered Aaron’s touch, his skin feeling alive under Aaron’s hands for the first time in ages.

“Sure?”

“This feels so good.” Aaron resumed the action, letting his hands push into the muscles of his shoulders, carefully because of his bruises but still hard enough that he’d feel it.

The love in Aaron’s touch, the gentleness in his actions combined with how genuinely good it felt to have his hands on Robert’s back became much too much. The tears started again and then they couldn’t stop. Aaron instinctively knew that he needed to let it out, needed to cry and stop keeping such a tight rein on his emotions. As far as Aaron knew, Robert hadn’t cried since the rape. Not properly. Aaron stroked his hair as he sobbed into the duvet, saying nothing, just trying to be there for him, provide whatever comfort he could.

Eventually Robert calmed down. Eyes still closed his breathing evened out and Aaron stopped stroking his hair, letting his hand fall away. “Aaron.”

“Yeah?” he said.

“Kiss me.” He hesitated for a second before doing as Robert had asked, lowering his head until he caught Robert’s lips against his own. Soft and so quick. Too quick. Robert wrapped his hand around Aaron’s head, pulling him back for more. Robert’s tongue traced Aaron’s bottom lip and that’s all it took for Aaron to deepen the kiss. He’s been trying so hard to hold back and not push, but when Robert tasted him like that he couldn’t resist. Aaron completely lost himself in Robert’s kiss, the taste of him, the way his tongue swept across Aaron‘s lips. Robert’s hands pushed their way down his back until they’re curved around Aaron’s arse. Robert dug his fingers in, making Aaron groan. It’s too much.

“Rob…” he started, twisting away. The touch was so good, but he knew Robert wouldn’t be able to keep going like this.

“I need this. Please. I’m okay.” But he wasn’t and Aaron knew it. The tears were too close to the surface and he was far too emotional. Aaron broke the embrace, putting some space between them. Robert’s previously open face closed straight off, turning so harsh.

“Fine!” he said, getting up.

“Don’t act like that,” Aaron said.

“Act like you don’t want to touch me?” Robert asked bitterly. “Hard, when that’s exactly what you’re showing me.”

“Robert…”

“Forget it.” Robert locked himself in the bathroom, to calm down Aaron guessed. This was going to take a long hard road to get back to anywhere near where they used to be.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day Robert went to see Vic. He was tired and he knew he shouldn’t have snapped at Aaron last night but he hadn’t exactly found the words to apologise yet either. In the morning, he’d already gone to work.

“Hi sis,” Robert said, smiling as she opened the door. “How are you?”

“I feel like a beached whale,” she said, grumbling as she let him in. “God, you’ve had coffee this morning,” she added, clearly smelling it on him.

“Yeah. Sorry,” he said. He’d totally forgotten Victoria was off caffeine due to her pregnancy as he sat down on the sofa, letting himself stretch out.

“Forget about me,” Vic said, sitting on the arm chair. “How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Robert…”

“You know me, a few weeks I’ll be right as rain,” Robert said.

“Really?” Vic asked. “Because I saw Aaron last night and he did not look happy.”

“Saw him doing what?” Robert asked.

“Trying to become a human crusher up at the scrap yard,” Victoria said with a shrug. “He was beating the shit out of a wrecked car up there. Didn’t even notice Adam and me driving past. Anything you want to tell me?”

“No.”

“Robert…” she wheedled quietly. “Talk to me.”

“It’s just…” Robert shook his head and tried a variation on the truth. “I can’t sleep next to him lately because of my ribs. I fidget too much in the night, so Aaron’s sleeping on the sofa. He’s just… ratty about it.”

“Come on, Robert,” Victoria said. “That isn’t the truth. I know you. And Aaron doesn’t beat up cars because of a bad nights sleep.”

“Leave it,” Robert said firmly. “If we’re having some problems, what’s it to you?”

“Are you having problems?” Victoria asked.

“So, have you thought of any names for my niece yet?” Robert asked, having no intention of answering that question. Victoria looked like she wanted to push it for a moment, then became all soft when she thought about the baby.

“We’ve thought of a couple we both like.” Robert did his best to listen, trying to push away thoughts of Aaron. He wasn’t exactly sure why he wasn’t telling Victoria the truth about the assault. Except he couldn’t cope with the look of pity he knew he would see, and she’d most likely cry especially with her pregnancy hormones.

“Vic?” he said quietly, trying to work up the nerve to say it.

“Yeah?”

He shook his head, smiling at her as he backed out. “Doesn’t matter.”

* * *

 

He had to move carefully due to his ribs, but that wasn’t going to stop him. Robert got out his bag and started packing. He couldn’t be around here, he couldn’t be around Aaron when he was trying to sort his head out. Hiding the truth from those closest to him, particularly Vic, was so difficult and he couldn’t do it any more. He knew full well he shouldn’t be ashamed, but he was. He should have found a way to stop them, what kind of man was he that he hadn’t been able to fight back? And every time he bent, or twisted his body, his chest throbbed and he was reminded all over again.

It took a lot longer than he’d have liked, with his limited movement. But eventually he had a bag packed, then went into the kitchen for his car keys which were on the hook by the front door. Which was when he bumped into Aaron.

“Going somewhere?” he asked, looking at Robert’s bag, then back up at him.

“I can’t stay here,” Robert said.

“So you’re running away?” Aaron said, scowling. “That’s not going to help.”

“It might,” Robert countered. “And no, I’m not running away.”

“If this is about last night,” Aaron started. “When I pushed you away…”

“It’s not,” Robert said, not wanting to relive that. He bit his lip. “I just want things to go back to the way they were.”

“You can’t go back,” Aaron said bluntly. “Things never will.”

“When I think about telling them… I can’t even look at Vic or Adam, I can’t be in this village.”

“Robert, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Aaron said firmly. “It’s not your fault.”

“Of course I’m ashamed! I’m a man and I couldn’t stop two other men touching me like that, forcing themselves inside me? Couldn’t even scream. Why wouldn’t I be ashamed of that?!”

Aaron’s eyes were filled with tears but Robert didn’t need that right now. He didn’t want the pity or the sympathy, he was too angry, too on the edge of something. He also didn’t want to hit Aaron and he could feel the violence simmering underneath. He took a deep breath and tried again.

“I feel like I’ve been ripped open and that I can never be fixed.”

“Rob…”

“Don’t interrupt me.” Aaron fell silent, waiting for Robert to continue. “I feel like… I want to rip my own skin off. I feel like my body isn’t my own any more. I can’t be with you right now. Last night was proof of that.”

“Robert, you can’t…”

“Get out of my way,” Robert said, moving towards the door where Aaron stood firm. But Aaron wasn’t budging. So he tried reassuring instead. “Aaron, I’m not running away, I just need a few days to calm down, somewhere that isn’t here.”

“It won’t be a few days,” Aaron said. “Because time isn’t going to magically fix this.”

“I’ll be back when Vic has her baby,” Robert said. “Just let me go.”

“No.” They stood with only two or three feet in between them. Physically they were quite evenly matched, usually. Aaron was stronger, but Robert had a couple of inches height and a broader back which more or less evened things out between them. But now, because of his lungs, Robert knew Aaron would hold back, not wanting to hurt him. Robert would get past him one way or another.

“Come on.”

“No.”

“Move, or I’ll make you. I’ve had enough people taking away my choices lately.” That was a low blow, and he knew it, especially by the look on Aaron’s face. But he didn’t have it in him to apologise. Aaron stepped aside and let Robert go to the door.

“Are you coming back?” Robert didn’t answer. “I’m your husband, and I know you’re going through a lot right now, but I need to know.”

“I’ll be back,” he said quietly, turning back to Aaron. “Promise.”

“Please Robert…”

“I’m coming home,” he said, more firmly this time. “I need some time, Aaron. Please try to understand.”

“Of course I do,” Aaron said. Robert walked past him and was at the door before he hesitated, hand on the handle. He turned back and saw Aaron and he couldn’t walk away without another word. He closed the gap and kissed Aaron deeply, hands cradling his face gently. It had always felt so right, so perfect when he kissed Aaron and this was no exception. Robert couldn’t resist deepening the embrace, wrapping an arm around his back to pull him closer. It was with great reluctance that Robert parted from him, leaning his forehead against Aaron’s, keeping his eyes closed. He could hear Aaron’s heavy breathing, taste his mouth on his own lips and he wanted him. But he couldn’t do this.

“I will come home, Aaron,” he said. “I need some time.”

“Okay,” he said. “I can’t stop you, so…” Aaron trailed off, there were no words left. Robert pressed a gentle parting kiss to his lips, then left, closing the door quietly behind him. It wasn’t until the noise of the car faded away completely that Aaron let himself fall apart, the tears coming and not stopping. Robert had actually walked out on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thank you to those who're sticking with this, and especially those leaving Kudos and comments! Hope to have more posted tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

It’d been a restless day once Robert had left, so Aaron made a decision. He wouldn’t sit at home thinking about Robert, he’d go to the pub. He’d not seen his mother in ages, he’d been a bit preoccupied lately. It wouldn’t fix anything but he needed a pint. Walking into the pub, Chas smiled at him.

“Almost forgotten what you looked like,” she said, her smile dying when she saw the seriousness on his face. “Do you want…?”

“In the back?” Aaron suggested, walking behind the bar before she was even able to respond. Aaron had vanished through to the living room and Chas followed after having poured him a pint.

“What is it?” she asked, sitting opposite him, putting the drink on the table.

“Thanks,” he said for the pint, sitting back on the sofa and looking skywards. Aaron was silent and Chas wasn’t entirely sure what she should say or do right now.

“I don’t know what to say. This is usually Paddy’s territory,” Chas said. That did at least pull a smile out of her son.

“I’m having a few problems,” Aaron said slowly, hunching over and looking at the floor.

“With Robert,” Chas guessed.

“It’s not his fault.”

“No, it never is,” Chas said darkly. “All right, sorry,” she added at Aaron’s look.

“He’s going through some stuff… and I can’t help him. I don’t know what to say to help him. It’s never enough.”

“Love, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Chas said bluntly. 

Aaron bit his lip, debating what to say. But he felt so lonely and it felt like a secret that didn’t have to be kept. To him at least. He couldn’t talk to Adam, he’d tell Vic and Robert would never forgive that. “Close the door.” She got up, doing what he asked before returning to her seat. “He can’t know I told you,” Aaron said. “He doesn’t want anyone to know.”

“I’ll keep it zipped,” she said, still smiling at him.

“I mean it.”

“I know you do,” she said. “Talk to me.”

“Okay,” Aaron said with a heavy sigh. “You know he got beaten up a couple of weeks ago?”

“Yeah,” Chas said. “It’s why he’s been hiding at yours.”

“Well, there was a little more to it than that,” Aaron said. He chewed his bottom lip, the words feeling enormous in his head. And once he’d said them, there’d be no going back. “He…” Aaron let out his breath in a rush. “He was raped.”

Chas’s face fell and she looked horrified. Aaron looked at the table, he couldn’t look at her. It mirrored exactly how he felt whenever he thought about someone doing that to Robert. To the man he loved.

“But…” Chas tailed off, no words.

“He doesn’t want… he isn’t telling anyone.” Silence broken only by the distanct sounds from the bar

“How is he?” she asked eventually.

“How do you think?” Aaron said. “He’s… broken and I hate it. I can’t help him, mum.” His voice wavered and he knew the tears were starting. He’d been trying to be strong for Robert for so long, now he was gone it almost felt okay to completely fall apart. Chas wrapped her arms around him and he was so grateful for her comfort that for a moment he was glad he’d told her. Even though it wasn’t his secret to tell.

“Robert… he can’t know you know.”

“Okay,” Chas said, wanting to calm Aaron down. “I won’t say anything, if you want. But… these things do tend to come out.”

“He doesn’t want Vic to know,” Aaron said quietly. “Says he can’t bear her knowing.”

“Okay,” Chas repeated. “How are you?”

“Me?” Aaron shook his head. “I don’t matter.”

“Of course you do,” she said. “How are you?”

“I hate seeing him like this,” Aaron admitted. “He’s so… usually, he’s so confident and in control and… he’s got that smile that always…” Aaron smiled to himself, remembering. “It seems like that’s gone.”

“He needs time,” Chas said. “So do you.”

“He’s gone,” Aaron said. “Took off in his car last night. Don’t know where. Said he wanted space.”

“Is he coming back?” Chas asked, seeing the sadness and desperation in Aaron’s eyes.

“He says he is. But I’m not sure. I need him, mum.” Chas pulled him into a hug but didn’t say anything. But Aaron was grateful all the same.

* * *

 

The silence in the room was oppressive, broken by the steady ticking of the clock. Robert wanted to be here, had chosen to be here, but getting started was the most difficult thing. He hadn’t anticipated that.

“As much as I’m enjoying being paid for sitting in silence, maybe you want to say why you’re here.” Robert looked at the therapist for a moment before turning his gaze back to the floor. He hated to admit it, but he needed help. And there were certain things that he felt unable to talk to with Aaron, there was too much love there for him to really go into how pathetic he sometimes felt. So a strange therapist it was. If she saw him as completely useless… well, he didn’t have to come back and see her again, did he?

“Something happened to me, a few weeks ago.”

“Okay,” she said. Waiting for more.

“I… I don’t think I’ve actually said the words yet. Bluntly. I’ve… talked about what happened… a bit… with my husband.” The therapist’s eyes flickered to Robert’s wedding ring, with just a hint of surprise, but Robert thought nothing of it. He was used to peoples surprise when they heard he was married to a man. Most of the time there wasn’t anything malicious in it.

“Robert, what happened?” she asked when he’d fallen into silence for minutes on end.

“I…” he swallowed uncomfortably then tried again. “I was raped.” There was a perfect silence for almost a minute as Robert tried to absorb those words.

“The world didn’t end then?” she said lightly, smiling slightly at him. “Now that you’ve said it.”

“Twice, actually,” Robert said, appreciating her words. No, the world hadn’t ended. “It’s just… I can’t seem to accept it. My mind is stuck on repeat, that night on an endless loop.”

“Okay,” she said. “So… we’ve got a lot to talk about.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set a couple of weeks on from the last one. Enjoy!

Aaron missed him badly. He understood that Robert needed time but he just wished he was home with him. Aaron was trying desperately not to smother him, but every morning he sent Robert a text. Simple, just one word.

_A: Safe?_

_R: Safe._

Robert would always reply, and he could call if he wanted to, but Aaron didn’t. He didn’t want to push, to make it too much especially when Aaron knew Robert was struggling to cope.  
He hadn’t anticipated how difficult being in this house without Robert was turning out to be. Everything reminded him of them, their life together. The worst thing was every time he came home from work, unlocking the door to see their kitchen table. On their wedding night, they hadn’t even been able to reach the bedroom. Robert had stripped him, laid him out on the table, and kissed every inch of his skin. He had never in his life felt so loved as he had that night. The table had never been the same since, one of the legs had always wobbled and neither of them had wanted to fix it.

Aaron sighed and took his jacket off, collapsing on the sofa. He’d barely been sat there five minutes staring into space when someone knocked on the door, loudly. He didn’t even get up, recognising the knock. Within ten seconds Victoria came in.

“Where is he?”

“Hi Vic.”

“Don’t give me that, where’s my brother? I’ve not seen him in weeks.”

“Sit down,” Aaron said, looking at her, clearly tired with the weight of her pregnancy bump.

“Where is Robert?” she asked bluntly, sitting like he'd asked.

“Not here,” Aaron said. “You must have noticed his car isn’t here.”

“Aaron, tell me what’s going on,” Victoria said, this time calmly.

“He left me.”

“What?!” she said, her voice deathly quiet. “No. He wouldn’t do that. He’s so in love with you.” Aaron said nothing. “And even if he would, it doesn’t explain why he’s not answering my calls.”

“Vic, he needs some time,” Aaron said. “I can’t tell you any more.”

“What’s going on with him?” she asked.

“He’ll tell you when he’s ready,” Aaron said. The truth wasn’t going to come from him, it had to come from Robert.

“Is he coming home?” Victoria asked.

“Yes,” Aaron said. “I just don’t know when.” Aaron sighed and closed his eyes as Victoria lapsed into silence. She actually looked at Aaron and realised how tired and broken he looked.

“How are you?” she asked.

“I miss him,” Aaron said. “I miss him so much.” Vic reached for him and squeezed his hand tightly.

“Ah!” Aaron looked at her. “Oh, that didn’t feel right.” She wrapped both hands around her stomach, waiting for something else to happen.

“Vic, are we getting you to hospital?” Aaron asked quietly.

“Yes, I think we are.”

* * *

 

“Tell me about Aaron,” she said quietly.

“Why?” Robert asked cautiously. He’d been careful not to mention Aaron in these sessions more than necessary. Aaron was the one good thing in his life, the one thing he hadn’t totally screwed up. Somehow discussing him in therapy felt a little… wrong? Disloyal?

“In your recovery, he’ll be able to help you. You will need him to help.”

“I’ve not seen him in a while,” Robert said. “I… couldn’t bear the sadness in the way he looked at me. Pity. And I don’t think I was ready for him to help at the time, when I walked out.”

“Tell me about him.”

“He’s… stubborn. Irritating, gorgeous. Loyal, he’s loyal. He loves his family and that outweighs everything else. Even when it doesn’t work to my advantage.” Robert smiled to himself. “He’s the other half of me. Which sounds overly sweet and unrealistic but its true. I’ve been… I’ve done some bad things, and he’s the good part of me. He’d never let anyone see it, mind.” Robert smiled again, thinking of him. “Aaron doesn’t do things halfway. It’s hard to get in, to actually see him, but once you do… if he loves you, that‘s it. He loves you completely with his whole heart. He would die for the people he loves without thinking twice.”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“Well, we’d all like to say we would,” Robert said, looking at her honestly. “Knowing me, I’d probably be more rational, look at things from all angles before making a decision because it’s who I am. But Aaron… he wouldn’t give it a second thought. It wouldn’t be a conscious decision, he‘d just do it.”

“Sounds special.”

“He is. He is everything to me.” Robert didn’t know if he was explaining Aaron very well, but then how could Aaron be put into words? “I have a shield, that I hide behind. So no one ever gets to see the real me. I used it for a long time, so I was always safe. A defence from the world. Aaron got under it without even trying.”

“What first attracted you to him?”

Robert couldn’t hold back the laugh. “I guess... because I couldn’t have him,” he said. “I had everything I thought I wanted, I was marrying into money, rich business, beautiful wife. And I couldn’t keep my hands off of the scruffy mechanic.”

“Would you…” Robert ignored her because his phone had just buzzed.

“I have to go,” he said urgently. He'd promised Aaron he'd be home by the time the baby arrived, and he'd meant it. “My sisters gone into labour.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback so far! I'm back at work tomorrow so I'm going to try and keep going for one chapter a day, but it might not be possible.


	10. Chapter 10

 

_A: Vic’s having the baby. X_

_R: On my way. I miss you._

Aaron had no idea what to do with that text. He missed Robert badly, and he knew that he’d needed space, but… how would it be, seeing him again? It’d only been two weeks or so, but he missed Robert so much. It felt more like months.

Adam was with Vic at the hospital, so he could work alone at the scrap yard without too much bother. Just enough so he didn’t have to think. He didn’t know how long it was until he saw Robert’s car pull up, but it was long enough. Daylight was already fading. Half of him had been expecting Robert to turn up, but Aaron still wasn’t prepared for the physical jolt Roberts presence gave him. He looked so good, leather jacket, tight T shirt and jeans and Aaron looked away. He shouldn’t be thinking of him that way, not now. It wasn’t fair.

Robert walked towards him, he could hear his footsteps on the gravel. “Aaron.” The softness of his voice made him turn back to look at Robert, eyes magnetised to his. Robert closed the gap and they stood too close to each other.

“What?” he managed to say, voice faint. Robert didn’t reply with words, his hand came up to cradle Aaron’s face and he kissed him. Aaron only managed a second or two before he responded, hands clutching Robert’s jacket to him. The feel of Robert’s body pressed against him was wonderful. Robert deepened the kiss, unable to stop touching him now he’d started, barely even drawing back for breath. Aaron slipped his hands under Robert’s jacket, feeling the warmth and the shape of his body as it dropped to the ground. He couldn’t resist pulling Robert against him, feeling him everywhere. Robert kissed his neck, making Aaron close his eyes and groan at the sensation. His lips felt perfect on his skin and Aaron tightened his grip on Robert‘s back. Robert pulled back and Aaron dropped his hands, both of them breathing heavily.

“Okay, that… that got a little out of hand,” Robert said, smiling at him and keeping a hand on his waist anyway.

“How are you?” Aaron asked, concerned.

“Okay,” he said. “I always meant it when I said I was coming back,” he added at the look in Aaron’s eyes.

“I know,” Aaron said. “I’ve just… missed you.”

Robert’s eyes lightened when he looked at him. “I know,” he said. “I’ve missed you too. I needed some time.”

“What’ve you been doing?”

“Later,” he said. “How’s Vic?”

“Wondering where her brother had gone off to.”

“Did you tell…?”

“No,” Aaron said. “But I think you should.”

“I think I could probably pick a better moment than right now when she’s in labour,” Robert said, wide eyed. 

“Fair enough.” Robert kissed him briefly then picked his jacket up from the ground. “We should go home.”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah.”

* * *

 

Back at their house, Aaron busied himself making tea. He had no idea what to say or where to start, and keeping his hands busy was a good alternative right now. “Vic and Adam said they’d give us a call when the baby’s here,” Aaron said. “Until then, it’s just… waiting.”

“Okay,” Robert said. The silence started to become uncomfortable. “I’ve been seeing a therapist,” Robert said from the sofa. “She’s been helping me.”

“She?” Aaron questioned.

“I found it easier to talk to a woman,” he said quietly, not wanting to explain why.

“Okay,” Aaron said. He brought Robert a cup of tea and sat opposite him, not wanting to get too close. “How are you?”

“I’m better.” Aaron looked at him skeptically. “I don’t mean “better” as in fixed and back to normal, of course I’m not. I mean better than what I was.” Robert swallowed uncomfortably. “I wanted to cut my own skin off, the last time I saw you. I don’t feel like that now.”

“Well… good, I guess.” Aaron seemed hunched over and reluctant to talk.

“What is it?” Robert asked.

“Don’t kick off,” Aaron said. His body language was all contained and Robert had no idea what he was about to say. “I told Chas.”

“You did what?” Robert almost whispered. “Why?”

“Because I had to talk to someone,” Aaron said. “She hasn’t said anything, and she won’t.”

“Your mothers got a big mouth!” Robert said, standing up in agitation, and not a little fear. “She’d never be able to keep this to herself! And she hates me.”

“Yeah, she does hate you,” Aaron said. “But she knows I’d never speak to her again if she talked.”

“Aaron!”

“I had to talk to someone,” Aaron said, getting up in irritation at Roberts reaction. “You might have needed space, but I was desperate, and upset, Robert. It wasn’t exactly a conscious decision to tell her either.”

Robert took in several deep breaths, trying to calm down. He’d already made the decision that he was going to tell Vic what had happened to him, and that it'd eventually seep out into the village, but this didn’t make it any easier. “Okay,” Robert said, taking another deep breath. “I’d rather you’d kept it quiet, but okay.”

Aaron gave him a slight smile. “I thought you’d throw a punch at me.”

“I still might,” Robert said. “Not quite made up my mind.” Aaron grinned at him.

“I’m glad you’re home,” he said.

“So… what now?” Robert asked. Aaron shrugged. “Want to go to the pub?”

“You seriously want to go?” Aaron asked in surprise.

“No,” Robert said. “But alcohol would be good. And we’ll see if your mother really can keep her mouth shut.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “If you want.” Robert laced his fingers through Aaron’s gently and squeezed.

“Come on.”

* * *

 

They walked into the pub and Aaron could tell Robert was nervous, even if he wasn’t saying anything. They walked up to the bar and Chas raised her eyebrows at him, ignoring her son for the moment.

“Oh. You’re back, are you?” she said with her usual dislike.

“Two pints please,” Robert said, smiling at her. Luckily the pub wasn’t too full, so there wasn’t anyone eavesdropping on their conversation.

“You’re here for good?” Chas asked, eyes flicking at Robert with a deeper meaning than the words gave.

“Yes,” Robert said. “Yes, I am.”

“Well, I suppose that’s a good thing,” Chas reluctantly admitted. “He doesn’t cope well when you’re not around.”

“Er… stood right here,” Aaron said, looking at them both and frowning.

“Warming up to me, are you?” Robert asked tetchily, very aware that this could be because of his recent history. He didn’t want sympathy.

“Oh no,” Chas said. “I still can’t stand you, and I still think Aaron could do miles better than you, but we’re apparently stuck with you, so.” She passed the pint over the bar with her customary glare, which made Robert feel so much better. There could be some normal around here after all.

“Thanks Chas.”

“The second he wants to chuck you, trust me, I will throw a party.” Robert smiled at her, ignoring Aaron who looked a little bewildered at their interaction.

“Shall we?” Robert asked, indicating a seat.

They were mostly quiet, just sipping their pints and watching the world go by, villagers coming and going. After a while, Robert wrapped his hand around Aaron’s, making him smile. Robert pulled him in, so Aaron’s head leaned against his shoulder. It was comfortable, and for the moment, easy.

When their glasses were empty, Robert’s phone buzzed with a text. He read it, smiling. “A girl,” he said to Aaron. “Lily. Mother and baby doing well.”

“A text?” Aaron asked, disappointed. “They could have called!”

“Well, it’s late, isn’t it?” Robert said. “We’ll go and see them tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, leaning his head back on Roberts shoulder. “Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the encouragement for this story!! Hope to get more done soon. x


	11. Chapter 11

“She’s so tiny.” Robert smiled, looking down at the small bundle, his large hands easily able to hold Victoria's newborn child.

“She didn’t feel tiny twelve hours ago,” Victoria grumbled, but she was smiling anyway.

“Are you okay?” Robert asked, looking at his sister.

“Yeah,” she said. “Where’ve you been, Robert?”

“I’ve…” Robert sighed, unable to have the energy to think of a lie any longer. He sat down by Victoria’s bed and sighed again, still looking at his niece.

“Robert?” she asked.

“You want to take her?” Robert asked Aaron who’d been silent up until this point.

“You sure?” Aaron asked, studying his face. “Now?”

“Yes,” Robert said, giving Lily to Aaron. Aaron’s face lit up at the small baby. Adam came in, clearly buzzing off being a new father and Aaron thankfully directed them out of the room, leaving Victoria and Robert alone.

“Where have you been?” Victoria asked again.

“Getting my head sorted,” Robert said. It was true.

“Why?” she asked. “Are you going to tell me what’s happened?”

“Yeah, I am,” he said. “Could probably pick a better time, but…

“Rob…” she said, wanting to stop him waffling.

“I was attacked. When I was beaten up, ending up with broken ribs. It was… it was more than what I told you.” Victoria’s eyes were wide with concern, making this even more difficult than he’d thought before hand. “The men…” He let out his breath in a rush, this was so hard to admit. He’d thought talking to Aaron about it was difficult, this felt worse. “I was… raped.” Robert felt like his head was spinning, just saying the words as he looked down at the floor.

“What?” her voice was just a whisper. “You’re… and you’re telling me this now?”

“I couldn’t face it,” Robert said. “It’s why I left.”

“Oh, Robert…” she said sadly.

“No, don’t cry,” he said, finally looking at her, and taking her hand. “I’m okay.”

“Are you?” she asked. “Does Aaron…”

“Of course he knows,” Robert said, guessing her question. “He’s been… wonderful. I just couldn’t be around him.”

“That’s why Aaron called me,” she said, putting the pieces together. “When you were in hospital.”

“Yes,” Robert agreed. “He thought I needed to see you, and he was right.”

“You should have told me, Robert!” she said, still unable to believe he hadn’t.

“Vic, I couldn’t admit it to myself, so telling you was out of the question.” He squeezed his sisters hand. “I just thought you should know why I’m… not myself lately.”

“Come here.” Victoria pulled her brother into a tight hug, neither one of them wanting to let go.

* * *

 

“What’s going on with him, is he all right?” Adam asked, looking through the window, seeing Vic and Robert hugging.

“No, I don’t think he is,” Aaron said, watching him. Aaron was glad he’d told Victoria, but knew that it wasn’t over. It would still take Robert a long time to get past this. If ever.

* * *

 

Later at home, Robert lay on the sofa. “It was horrible telling her,” he admitted.

“I know.”

“It’s going to be all over the village soon. Chas, Vic, Adam, they’ll all know and soon enough…”

“I know,” Aaron repeated.

“They’ll all think I’m pathetic and weak and… oh God.” Robert winced away from the words he could almost hear them saying now.

“No, they won’t,” Aaron said, coming to sit next to him but being sure to leave some space. “People care about you.”

“No, they don’t,” Robert said. “No one apart from Vic. They all care about you, they put up with me for your sake.”

Aaron couldn’t exactly argue with that, it was mostly true. Even though he knew that Robert had grown on people, when they were able to see behind his act and bluster. “I’ve got to tell you something,” Robert said.

“More?” he asked quietly. “What is it?”

“I… went to the police. Gave them a proper statement,” Robert said. “When I was in hospital, I was…”

“I know,” Aaron said.

“Aaron, stop saying I know,” Robert said.

“Sorry.” Aaron smiled at him. “Did the police say anything?”

“Not really,” Robert said. “There’s not really much chance of them catching the men who did it.” Robert swallowed uncomfortably. “The only possibility is if they commit another crime and their… DNA comes up as a match on the system.”

Aaron felt a thrill of revulsion through his entire body, thinking about what those men had done to him. Robert closed his eyes as if knowing what he was thinking. “I need a shower,” Robert said. He felt dirty, saying those things to Vic, and he desperately wanted to feel clean. Aaron said nothing as he went, unable to know what to say for the best.

* * *

 

Robert took a long shower, scrubbing his skin hard, needing to feel clean. It didn’t fix everything but it certainly helped. When he’d finished, he walked through to the bedroom to get some clothes, wrapped in just a towel when he saw Aaron.

“Oh. Sorry,” Aaron said quickly. But he couldn’t stop his eyes running over Robert’s body, skin wet and delicious. Aaron felt the sudden urge to taste his skin, let his tongue wander over the water droplets slowly slipping down under the towel, stroke his palms over Robert’s body. Aaron felt very aware that Robert was naked under the towel and he fought down the desire, the longing. He bit his lip and curled his hands into fists to try and stop the desperate need to touch him. “Sorry,” he said again, his eyes returning to Robert‘s face as he sat on the bed. Unexpectedly, Robert was smiling.

“You know something? It’s nice to know you can still look at me like that. That you still want me.” Robert couldn’t help it, he knew that look on Aaron’s face so well. If this were a couple of months ago they’d already be naked on the bed, hands and lips touching everywhere they possibly could, forgetting the rest of the world. But it wasn’t two months ago, and too much had happened.

“Of course I want you, Robert,” Aaron said. “I always do.” He couldn’t stop the grin on his face when he said that. Robert leaned over him and kissed him softly.

“I love you,” Robert said, kissing him again, longer this time. Aaron reached up for him, his hands cupping Robert’s face gently. Otherwise, Aaron barely moved, waiting for Robert to take the lead, which he did. He pushed Aaron back on the bed, hovering over him as the kiss went on and on. Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert’s naked back gently, not making the pressure too much. Robert didn’t seem to mind, groaning against Aaron’s lips.

“Like normal,” he whispered, ardent, wanting. “Like before.”

“Robert…”

“Please…” Aaron tightened his grip on Roberts back, fingernails digging in. He needed Robert as close to him as possible. Robert moved, kissing his neck, finding those sensitive places that Aaron loved to have kissed. Aaron groaned loudly, it felt so good and it’d been so long since Robert had touched him like this. Aaron’s hands went to his towel covered hips, pulling him down towards his own body. Robert could feel Aaron hard and ready against him, even through the material of his jeans.

“I can’t,” Robert whispered, pulling back. “I… I’m not ready.”

“Okay,” Aaron said, breathing deeply as he tried to get his body back under control. “I wasn’t expecting anything.” Robert got off him, making sure the towel was keeping him covered as he grabbed a shirt, feeling embarrassed that he couldn’t behave the way he‘d used to.

“Want to go out for dinner?” Robert suggested, still not looking at him.

“Yeah, sure,” Aaron said, feeling that a change of atmosphere could only be a good thing.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the encouragement so far! Hope you enjoy this chapter.

“That was awkward,” Robert said bluntly, throwing his keys down on the kitchen table. It had been. They’d gone to have dinner in the Woolpack and it was clear that word had gotten out.

“It was always going to come out, Robert,” Aaron said, taking his hoodie off. Robert was right, that had been so uncomfortable with the looks and stares from everyone. They’d barely spoken during the meal with the result that things were tense now that they were home.

“I’m so tired,” Aaron said, kicking his shoes off and collapsing onto the sofa as Robert watched him. Aaron grabbed a blanket, clearly intending to curl up. “Let me sleep, Robert, I don’t have the energy for a fight.” 

“Sleep with me,” Robert said. He didn’t like kicking Aaron out of the bed, even though Aaron had never said a word against it.

“Yeah?” Aaron asked, surprised.

“Yes. I want you to sleep next to me.”

“You sure?” Aaron asked.

“No,” Robert said, a shadow of his usual smile on his face. “Not sure at all, but I want to try. I want to sleep next to my husband tonight.” Aaron got up from the sofa and they went upstairs, not saying much. They got into bed, despite the fact it was early, both of them exhausted from the day. They both wore T shirts and boxers, and Aaron couldn’t deny that after a few nights on the sofa, stretching out on the mattress felt wonderful. He actually groaned with delight.

“Sore?” Robert asked.

“The sofa isn’t as comfortable as our bed,” Aaron said.

“Thank you for doing that for me,” Robert said. “I didn’t even have to ask.” Aaron kissed him softly. “Turn over,” Robert said. Aaron frowned, but did as he asked. Robert started softly massaging his back, knuckles digging into the sore points on his spine.

“Oh, God.” Aaron groaned at the sensation, Robert‘s fingers making him feel like he was melting.

“Better?” Robert asked five minutes later, pulling his T shirt back into place.

“A lot,” Aaron said. “Thank you.” Robert kissed the back of his neck and closed his eyes. He needed sleep.

* * *

 

It was a restless night for them both, neither really sleeping deeply, both dozing lightly. Hands had carelessly wandered in the night, just touching and it had felt good for both of them. Comfortable. In the morning, Robert got up.

“I’ll be away today,” he said.

“Why?” Aaron asked from the bed.

“Got a therapy session,” he said quietly. “I have to go, it helps me.”

“How?” Aaron asked, wondering if he should push.

“I feel less fragile afterwards,” Robert admitted, not looking at him. “Less damaged.”

“You’re not damaged,” Aaron said.

“I am. Like it or not.” Robert shook his head, buttoning a fresh shirt up. Aaron couldn’t say anything further as there was a knock on the door. As Robert was the one who was dressed, he answered it. Surprisingly, it was Nicola.

“What can we do for you?” he asked.

“I er…” Judging from her face, she’d heard about Robert’s assault. “You’ve not been at work lately and I… need you to catch up. I know it’s a bad time, but…”

“Nicola, don’t you dare treat me any differently,” Robert said firmly. “You’ve never been nice to me, don’t start now.”

“Get these done by tomorrow, otherwise I’ll take it from you cut of the profits,” she said, handing over a stack of files.

“Thank you,” Robert said sincerely. “I know I’ve been a bit… absent lately.”

“Oh, had you?” she said sarcastically. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“I’ll get them done.”

“Great.”

“Why’re you so early?”

“I’m taking the day off,” Nicola said. “Going out with Jimmy and my kids. Not like you’ve not had a lot of time off lately.” The usual criticism she spoke with had gone, but Robert could tell it wouldn’t take much for it to return. All he wanted was for people to treat him like he was normal, like he wouldn’t break at the first sign of pressure.

“I will get them done,” Robert said again as Nicola left. It would take ages but maybe the distraction would be good.

* * *

 

“Let’s go out,” Robert said.

“What?”

“Take Vic and Adam and just go out, and have fun,” Robert said. “Stop thinking about… everything. Have a drink and have some fun. When’s the last time we all went out for a drink?”

“Vic’s just had a baby,” Aaron reminded him.

“Call Moira,” Robert said easily. “I’m sure she’d be delighted with some grandma time with Lily.”

“We could,” Aaron said, admitting the possibility.

“Call Vic, see if she wants to go.”

“What, you mean ask her if she’s up for trying to cheer her brother up?” Aaron asked, already knowing what her answer would be.

“Recent history has to count for something, I must be able to get my own way once in a while,” Robert teased. Aaron was a little shocked to see a smile on his face. “Come on, we haven’t been out in ages. When did we become such a boring married couple?”

“Fine,” Aaron said. “I’ll call her.”

“Perfect. We could play darts, or pool.”

“I am not giving your sister any more weapons,” Aaron said firmly. “God, last time she held a dart we were lucky to come out with all our appendages intact.”

“Her aims just a little…”

“Wild?” Aaron suggested, making Robert laugh.

“Pool then,” Robert said. It wasn’t his best suggestion, because out of the four of them, Robert was definitely the worst player, but he could use the laugh.

“I’ll call.”

* * *

 

As it happened, Vic was really up for a night out, the glow of the newborn baby had faded somewhat (the crying was starting to wind her up) and she definitely wanted some time having fun. Moira was free for babysitting too, so everything managed to align itself. 

After the first half an hour or so, Adam and Vic stopped looking at Robert like he was about to fall apart. They had a great time together and Robert had been right. It felt good to get out of the village, somewhere they weren’t known and didn’t have to deal with the stares and whispers. It was the first time that Robert genuinely felt like his old self. He was with his sister and his husband, his two favourite people in the world. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much. It’d been rather funny when someone had tried to hit on Victoria as well, the man trying to work out why she had three men being very protective over her. Victoria had let him go on for a bit until pointing out, “husband, brother, brother in law. Not going to happen.”

In the taxi back to the village Robert leaned his head on Aaron’s chest as Aaron wrapped an arm around him. Aaron kissed the top of his head and Robert sighed with happiness.

“Love you,” Robert said, making Aaron smile.

“Your sisters in the car,” Victoria said.

“I don’t care.” Robert twisted around and kissed Aaron deeply. When they parted, Vic caught his eyes and Aaron silently told her that Rob was fine. He knew his sister in law well, and could read her face.

_Sure?_

_Yeah, he needed tonight_ , Aaron tried to tell her with his eyes. She must have got part of the message because she curled up with Adam who smiled at her. Aaron couldn’t remember ever feeling this content.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay for this chapter! A mixture of work, and unable to get it right made it slow going. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

The days passed relatively easily. Robert had gone back to work, taking afternoons off whenever he had an appointment with his therapist. The gossip in the village had died down enough that Robert didn’t feel like everyone was staring at him. In fact the only time he had felt eyes on him was when he’d been cuddling Lily in the café. And that’d been okay, because everyone had been looking at the baby. Who was absolutely gorgeous, Robert had to admit. 

Aaron and Robert were sleeping together and after a few nights, they slipped back into the usual routine, gentle touches, soft kisses, easily holding each other. Apart from sex, they’d fallen back to how they used to be in bed and for Robert, it was wonderful. It wasn’t too much and Aaron wasn’t pushing either, which always made Robert feel a surge of love for his husband. He could be so understanding when he wanted to be.

But Robert was starting to want to be intimate with Aaron again, not everything, but more than what they were doing. And he knew Aaron wouldn’t dream of pushing him, so he had to be the one to say he wanted more. Which was uncomfortable for him under the circumstances. He didn’t want to appear even more vulnerable than he felt.

Robert decided to take a risk one night, not entirely sure it would work out the way he wanted it to, but feeling he had little to lose anyway. Robert ran himself a bath, sighing with pleasure as he sank into the hot water. He closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying it.

“Aaron, come in here a minute,” Robert called. Aaron did, hovering by the doorway as he saw Robert in the bath, clearly not wanting to disturb. “Come on,” Robert said, braver than he felt. Aaron walked in, keeping his eyes purposefully focused on Robert’s face. He didn’t want the temptation right now and Robert's body was a temptation to him.

“What do you want?” Aaron asked quietly, eyes running over his face intently, not quite able to read him at the moment.

“You,” Robert said. “I just want you.”

“Robert…”

“I know,” he said, interrupting Aaron’s objections he knew were coming. “But it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. All of you.” Robert’s gaze went down Aaron’s figure in a way that brought a lump to Aaron’s throat. He loved the way Robert looked at him, always had done. So physical and almost demanding, even now.

“This seems distinctly unfair,” Robert said, his eyes still taking Aaron in. Aaron looked at Robert sharply, realising what he was after.

“You want me to get undressed,” Aaron said bluntly, eyes sparkling with a smile. A statement, not a question.

“Yes please,” he said, smirking at him. Aaron slowly undressed and Robert simply lay back in the water watching him, enjoying it as Aaron’s skin was revealed. He hadn’t seen him completely naked since… before. Robert sighed, his body still looked damn good. He’d not forgotten exactly, but hadn’t really allowed himself to enjoy looking at Aaron’s body for quite some time. Robert’s eyes grazed over his chest, his stomach, and lower. Down to his genitals, instantly noticing that Aaron was half hard. Robert felt a very brief shock of fear, but it faded quickly, quicker than he expected. Aaron wouldn’t touch him unless he allowed it.

“Now what d’you want?” Aaron asked, enjoying Robert‘s eyes on him, the way they slowly moved over him.

“Get in.” Aaron’s eyes widened in surprise but he didn’t argue or say anything. He lowered himself into the hot water and Robert shifted so they could lie next to each other, bodies touching everywhere. It was a tight fit in the bath, but neither of them minded. Aaron sighed at the sensation of Robert’s body against his. It’d been too long. That, along with the hot water surrounding him was very close to as blissful as he’d felt in months.

“I’ve missed this,” Robert said, a hand sliding down his back, feeling the ridges of his spine.

“Mm,” Aaron said. Robert cupped his hand around Aaron‘s arse, squeezing. “Oh…” Aaron groaned.

“Let me take care of you,” Robert whispered. “I know it’s been a while for you.”

“Robert…”

“I’d rather touch you, have you come from my touch than leave it to your right hand in the shower.” Aaron let out a ghost of a laugh, which changed to a moan as Robert’s hand wrapped around his length. Robert watched his face, memorising the moans and gasps as he quickly brought him to climax. It didn’t take long, was never going to. Aaron groaned into Roberts neck as he came, lips kissing his skin as he came down from his high.

“Okay?” Robert asked, stroking his wet hair, watching his closed eyes fluttering.

“Thank you…” Aaron whispered. Robert breathed heavily, the feel of Aaron against him, wet and willing, gasping in his ear was getting him hard and needy for Aaron's touch. To feel his fingers on his body...

“Aaron…” The tone made him look at Robert. “Can you…?”

“You want me to?” he asked, reading the question that Robert couldn’t quite find the words for.

“Please…” Aaron moved his hands down Robert’s body, slowly, tenderly until he was stroking him.

“I need you to look at me,” Robert said honestly. 

“I can stop…”

“No,” Robert said. “Just look at me.” Their faces were only a few inches apart, eyes open and locked on each other. Aaron watched him so closely for any flicker of fear or disgust or discomfort, but there wasn’t any. He twisted his fist slowly and Robert’s mouth opened at the sensation, eyes closing as he gasped for breath.

“Rob…”

“Don’t stop,” he whispered, eyes opening again, pupils gone in lust. “Please…” Aaron recognised that look on his face too well, he was far gone, lost to the desire running through his body. Aaron wasn’t under any doubt any more and he sped up his touch, making sure to do it exactly the way he liked. Now wasn’t the time for teasing and keeping him on the edge.

“Aaron…” he breathed.

“Let go,” he said quietly. Robert did, coming with a groan, head thrown back as he rode it out. He could feel his blood thundering through his body, pulse rapid as he came down from the high. That had felt so good. Aaron shifted, the water rippling around him as he kissed Robert’s jaw gently, keeping a hand gently on his hip.

“Okay?”

“Yes,” Robert said. He was much better than okay, actually. The echoes of his climax were still going through his body, the pleasure achingly good. Aaron cradled the back of his head and kissed his lips softly. They didn’t speak, still holding each other, both of them occasionally shifting to kiss the other, lips on damp sensitive skin.

“I’m getting cold,” Robert said eventually. The water had cooled rapidly and Aaron sighed, getting out of the bath and grabbing a towel. He threw Robert one and they dried themselves before heading to bed, neither one of them bothering to get dressed. They didn’t want to speak, not wanting to break the connection, those shared beautiful moments in the bath tub. Words felt unimportant now.

“Goodnight,” Aaron said quietly, so relaxed and near to sleep that he couldn’t stay awake.

“I love you,” Robert said. 

It made Aaron smile, but he couldn’t get the coordination to say it back. Just “l’you.” Robert smiled too.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Robert woke up first in the morning. He smiled as he remembered the intimacy they’d shared in the bathtub, which they’d had a long wait for. He felt good, at ease with himself and he longed to touch Aaron again. Looking to his right, he saw Aaron still sleeping, a slight frown on his forehead. Knowing Aaron wouldn’t mind (he’d told him often enough Robert could wake him like this whenever he wanted to), he leaned over him and kissed Aaron gently. Aaron smiled into the kiss as he returned to consciousness.

“Morning,” Aaron whispered, wrapping his arms around Robert tightly as he kissed him again. “Enjoyed last night, did you?” Aaron asked, smiling at him.

“Yes,” Robert said, choosing honesty over several other possibilities that floated through his brain. “I did.” Robert kissed him again, then his jaw, moving down to his neck, enjoying the fact that they hadn’t bothered to put any clothes on the night before.

“Oh…” Aaron moaned, feeling his tongue flick against his skin. It made his pulse race, being touched like this again. Robert moved down his body, kissing and licking his skin, tasting him.

“You want me?” Robert murmured, kissing along the line of a rib he could feel under Aaron’s skin.

“You know I do,” Aaron said, voice strained as he fought not to move, to push too far. Though he couldn’t resist tangling his fingers in Robert’s hair, urging him on.

“Good,” Robert said easily. “Because I want you.” Robert gripped his hips, fingernails digging in as he tasted Aaron. Aaron moaned, a noise he couldn’t ever remember hearing from his throat. “Oh, make that sound again,” Robert said before quickly returning his mouth to Aaron’s cock.

“Come here,” Aaron panted when it was starting to become too much. Robert did, kissing him deeply, barely coming up for air. Aaron’s hands roamed over Robert’s naked body, lower and lower, needing to feel him.

Aaron’s finger slid against his arse crack, finding his entrance. “Can I?” he asked quietly. The truth was Robert had no idea how he would react, but one thing he knew for sure was that he wasn’t a coward and he wanted to find out. He leaned away from Aaron, opening the bedside table and throwing him the lube. “Sure?” Aaron asked. Robert nodded, though he wasn’t. The last time someone had been inside him, it had been _them_. Aaron lubed his fingers up before returning, pushing one slowly inside him. Robert froze. The sensation, the familiar burning ache brought back the memories of pain, hurt, humiliation, fear. He was about to ask Aaron to stop, unable to cope with it, when Aaron’s familiar finger found his prostate. Robert jerked as the unexpected bolt of pleasure surged through him, the words dying on his lips. He closed his eyes, gasping for breath at the sensation. For a few seconds he actually couldn’t breathe.

“All right?” Aaron asked, slowing his touch, watching Robert‘s face, his eyes closed.

It was all Robert could do to gasp, “more…” Aaron grinned at him, adding another finger, stretching him further. 

“Christ…” Robert gasped. Aaron knew his body so well, knew what he liked. Aaron kept stroking his sweet spot, wanting this to feel as good as possible for him. Judging from the moaning, and the way Robert was grinding his erection against Aaron’s thigh, he was succeeding.

“Inside me,” Robert begged quietly, opening his eyes. “I want you.” The desire, the urge was so potent Robert could almost taste it. The fear had totally gone and he wanted Aaron more than he could ever remember wanting anyone in his life.

“Robert…” Aaron said, slightly concerned as he pulled his fingers free.

“I’d forgotten,” he said, as if marvelling to himself. “How good you feel. Why I couldn’t resist you in the first place.” Aaron couldn’t help the smile on his face. Robert ran his thumb over Aaron’s bottom lip gently. Aaron bit his thumb, and then all of a sudden they were shifting on the bed, moving so Robert lay on the mattress, a pillow under his hips, Aaron on top of him. He kissed Robert deeply, trying to put all the love he felt into that one kiss as Robert’s hands stroked his shoulders, pulling him closer. 

Aaron reached between them and stroked Robert’s cock firmly. “God…” Robert whispered, groaning at Aaron‘s touch. “I don’t want to come like this,” he whispered. “Please, Aaron.”  
He prepared himself, before kissing Robert gently, a palm stroking his face, looking into Robert‘s perfect blue eyes. “Aaron, I trust you,” Robert whispered. “And I really, really want you, so…” Robert didn’t finish his sentence, breath stolen from him as Aaron pushed into him.

“Wait, that’s not right is it?” Aaron said, almost to himself. It’d been months since they’d been together, and Aaron shifted their position to change the angle, wrapping a hand around Robert‘s hip as he moved. Robert cried out, feeling Aaron hit him just right. “That’s it, isn’t it?” Aaron said, pleased with himself.

“Harder…” Robert breathed before he lost all coherence. Aaron kept a quick pace, loving having Robert warm and tight around him again. Robert reached down, stroking himself as Aaron moved, Robert crying out and writhing against him, the stimulation feeling incredible, indescribable.

They came almost together, moaning as Aaron collapsed on top of him, breathing frantically. Aaron’s head rested on Robert’s chest and he could hear his heart thundering so quickly. Robert stroked his hair lazily as he came down from his high. The feeling of Aaron touching him, kissing him, inside of him had felt nothing like the assault. He was now shocked at himself, thinking that it possibly might.

“Are you…?”

“So good,” Robert said, wanting to reassure him. He knew Aaron had been worried, with reason. “That felt amazing.”

Aaron smirked into his chest, kissing his skin, tasting the sweat on his body before replying. “Good.”

“We should move,” Robert said reluctantly. “I definitely need a shower before work.” Aaron laughed before shifting away from Robert, both of them sighing from the loss of contact.

“I could join you in the shower…?” Aaron suggested. Robert looked at the clock, then shook his head.

“We’re late as it is,” Robert said.

“Shame,” Aaron said. He let his hand squeeze Robert’s arse for a moment, making him laugh before they got up.

* * *

 

Half an hour later they were both ready for work.

“What’s wrong with you?” Aaron asked, putting his jacket on. Robert was sat at the kitchen table, hunched over and looking at the floor. “You look…” Aaron tailed off, seeing his shocked white face, empty of all emotion. “Was this morning too soon?” Aaron asked, biting the bullet.

“What?” Robert asked, looking at him as if just realising he was there. “No, this morning was…” His lips tilted upwards for a moment before he sighed, looking back at the floor. “No,” he said, surer now. “The police just called me.” Robert dropped his mobile on the table.

“About what?” Aaron asked. Though from Robert’s body language he had a fair idea.

“They’ve… A body’s turned up.”

“Okay,” Aaron said.

“They didn’t know who it was so they’ve run his DNA through their records.” Aaron waited for him to continue, though he knew what was coming. “It’s him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the encouragement for this. Coming to the end now, only a few more chapters left. I'd love to get feedback on this, so thanks! x


	15. Chapter 15

“They want me to come in and… identify him,” Robert said, still looking pale.

“Okay,” Aaron said, little idea what to say that would help him. Likely nothing would at the moment.

“I don’t want to.”

“You don’t have to,” Aaron said. “If you don’t want to, then don’t.”

“You say that like it’s so simple,” Robert said, looking at him.

“It is,” Aaron said. Robert glared at him. “It might hurt you, it might be more painful than I could ever understand, but I don’t think it’s complicated, Robert.”

Robert sighed, but he didn’t argue. Aaron had a point. And just when he thought he’d got over it, or if not “over” it, at least be able to shut the door on it and move on with his life, it came back to haunt him. “I need some air.” Robert got up quickly and left the house, leaving the warm glow Aaron had been living under for the past twelve hours to rapidly vanish.

* * *

 

Two hours later Aaron was smashing a car up, frustrated. Which was especially irritating because things had been going so well, Robert was talking to him, opening up. Then the bloody police had called.

“That car wouldn’t be called Robert, would it?” Aaron dropped the hammer and looked at his husband, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, looking directly at him. “I’m sorry.”

“What’re you sorry for?” Aaron asked.

“Running off. And not talking to you. I shouldn’t have done either.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron said honestly. “I can’t… imagine what you’re going through.”

“No,” Robert said simply. He loved Aaron dearly but there wasn’t any way to make him understand this. Not that he wasn’t grateful for Aaron’s support, he was. But it’d happened to him, not Aaron.

“I love you,” Aaron said. “You do know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. He closed the gap between them and pulled Aaron into a hug that neither of them wanted to break. “I know,” Robert whispered, kissing his neck. “I always know.” Robert felt inexplicably calmer in Aaron’s arms, against his warm body. It felt good to hold him.

“What’re you going to do?” Aaron asked, letting him go.

“We both know what I’m going to do in the end,” Robert said, looking at the ground. “It’s just working up the courage to do it.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “I thought you might need talking into it, that’s all.” Robert couldn’t help the smile pulling at his face. Aaron knew him so well. They were both distracted by a thin wailing reaching their ears. They turned and saw Vic looking frazzled, holding the baby who was crying.

“Where’s my good for nothing husband?” she asked.

“Paperwork,” Aaron said, watching as Robert took his niece from Victoria’s arms. Vic watched as Lily stopped crying about five seconds after Robert started rocking her.

“How?” she asked. “How the hell have you managed that!”

“Quiet, or you’ll wake her,” Robert warned, still cradling the baby, smiling warmly at her. “She’s perfect.”

“She’s got lungs on her,” Adam said, coming out of the cabin. “How are you babe?”

“Don’t you “babe” me,” Vic said. “She’s been screaming all morning. I need sleep!”

“Just needed your uncle Robert, didn’t you?” Robert said, winking at his sister. Aaron couldn’t help laughing. Even Vic’s glare didn’t stop him.

“Adam, can you please, please look after her for two hours while I get some sleep?”

“I…”

“And before you say you can’t, I spent twenty hours in labour, in agony, Adam.”

“Okay,” Adam said, taking the changing bag off of Vic. “Three hours, get some sleep.” Victoria kissed him briefly.

“Thank you.”

“Right, we’re closing the scrap yard for the day then,” Aaron said.

“Eh? What about you?” Adam asked.

Robert looked at Aaron uncomfortably, neither sure exactly what to say it. Aaron clearly wasn’t about to volunteer the information. Robert cleared his throat. “The police want to talk to me,” Robert said, looking at his niece. He did not want to look at Vic or Adam right now. “They think they’ve found one of the men who… attacked me.”

“Oh,” Vic said when the silence became too much. “Okay, well…”

“Stop tiptoeing around it,” Robert said bluntly. “I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t lie, Rob,” Vic said.

“I will be fine,” Robert said, looking at his sister. “Maybe not today, but I will be.” Robert’s eyes slid to Aaron’s, needing the reassurance there. He got it and smiled tightly. “So, I’m going to hand this beautiful girl over to her daddy,” Robert said, giving Lily to Adam. “And we’re going to leave.”

“Are you sure?” Aaron asked, concerned.

“Seriously?” Robert said, exasperated. “You were going to talk me into it, and now you’re double checking?”

“I’m… I don’t want you… _us_ to go backwards.” Robert knew exactly what Aaron meant. It’d taken a lot of conversations, a lot of time and a lot of tears for them to even be vaguely okay. Robert ignored the company they had and kissed him, letting Aaron know that he wasn’t returning to that dark place.

“We should go,” Adam said, from what felt like a long way away.

“See you later,” Robert breathed before reattaching his lips to Aaron's. The kiss turned deeper and more passionate, hands grabbing at each other desperately. After the morning, Aaron’s restraint had faded and he felt able to touch Robert the way he wanted to. They both knew it was a distraction though. Aaron twisted away when he felt Roberts hand at the front of his jeans.

“Not the right time,” Aaron breathed, fighting against the lust he felt.

“No, I know,” Robert said, pulling away and putting some space between them.

“We shouldn’t have…” Aaron started, feeling embarrassed. “This morning, it was the wrong time.”

“No,” Robert said, smiling at him. “I wanted to. Badly. I can still feel you from earlier. I love that I can feel you.” His voice was low and seductive. _Not now_ ran in Aaron’s head. Though they’d had sex in the portacabin plenty of times before, now wasn’t the time. Aaron swallowed, trying to keep his hands to himself. He felt like he’d been doused in cold water when Robert passed him his car keys.

“I need you to drive, I’m not going to be able to have the concentration.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “You want to do this?”

“Need to,” Robert edited. “Come on.”

* * *

 

Robert was close to shaking, Aaron could sense it as they stood outside the mortuary. That, and the fact that Robert’s tight grip on Aaron’s hand was starting to make his fingers go numb. There was a police officer next to them too, waiting for Robert to say he was okay, though Aaron knew “okay” didn’t cover it. “You don’t have to do this,” Aaron said.

“Let’s get this over with.” Robert walked into the mortuary, Aaron by his side, biting his bottom lip with nervousness. The body was covered in a sheet but Aaron couldn’t look. He only had eyes for Robert, wondering how he was going to react to this. Robert nodded and the attendant lifted the sheet. Aaron knew instantly that this was the man who’d hurt Robert. Robert’s face went white and his eyes went wide, breathing heavily. He turned away from the body on the table, leaning against the wall as he tried to get his breathing under control.

 _"Such a pretty boy. See, knew you wanted this, look at you, so hard for me."_ The words were echoing in his head, along with the feeling of a boot crushing his back to the ground. Robert could feel the bile at the back of his throat, but he managed not to throw up, breathing deeply.

“Rob?” Aaron asked quietly.

“Aaron, if you touch me now I’m going to rip your fingers off,” Robert said, feeling Aaron’s presence close behind him as he closed his eyes. After about a minute he felt like he could breathe again and he straightened up and turned around. “Yeah, it’s him,” Robert said, though there was little need at this point. He couldn’t even look at Aaron right now. He just had to get out of there.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a thank you for all the Kudos and lovely comments I'm posting an extra chapter today. Homeward straight now! Enjoy.

“I need you to talk to me, Robert,” Aaron said. They were sat in the car, still parked and Robert hadn’t said a word since leaving the morgue. He still looked pale, though his breathing was even now.

“I don’t know what to say,” Robert said eventually. “It was him.”

“He’s dead,” Aaron said. “He can’t hurt you again.”

“What about the other one?” Robert said, looking down at his hands. “He might be dead but one of the… rapists isn’t.”

“I know,” Aaron said. “I don’t want to ask, but…”

“Do you really want to know every filthy thing he did to me?” Robert asked. Aaron flinched at the aggression in his voice. “Sorry,” Robert said.

“What I meant…” Aaron swallowed. “When you first told me what happened, you said one of the men was worse. That’s what I was asking you. And you don’t have to tell me.”

“Yeah,” Robert said, voice hoarse. “Yeah, he was the one who wanted me to hurt, to feel it. Oh God.” Robert closed his eyes, grinding his teeth. Then he hurriedly reached for his phone, going through the photos. He found the one he wanted, one of Lily and looked at her beautifully innocent face. It calmed him down, made his heart stop racing. When he’d stopped panicking he scrolled through the pictures. Apart from Lily, he’d not taken any photos lately, but he found one of him and Aaron, both of them smiling at each other. It seemed almost like another lifetime ago. Aaron could see the photo and smiled. Back when things were easy.

“Drive,” Robert said, closing his eyes. “I just want to go home. Feel safe,” he said, not moving an inch. Aaron started the engine and drove.

Robert was silent until he pulled the car up outside their house. Aaron was beyond worried about his reaction, so he tried again, once switching the engine off. “He’s dead. He will never touch you again.”

Robert breathed in deeply before looking at Aaron. “I know. I want it to be over though. And I don’t think it ever will be.”

“No,” Aaron said. “We both know you’re going to have good days and bad days. Today… well, it’s been a bad day.”

“Not completely,” Robert said, forcing a smile. “I mean, yes, this afternoons been a disaster, but this morning wasn’t.”

“I’d never have let us do that if I’d have known what the rest of the day was going to be,” Aaron said. “I’m…”

“Don’t apologise,” Robert said, cutting him off. “I’m okay.”

“Are you?”

“I will be. I want to… have a shower and rip my skin off. But I’ll get over it.”

“Robert…” Aaron faltered, not knowing what to say. Robert leaned across the car and kissed him gently, a palm on Aaron‘s face.

“I want to be alone,” Robert said. “Just for a bit. Can you go to the pub or something?”

“If you want,” Aaron said. “Are you going to be here when I get back?” Robert could see the genuine fear in his eyes and he felt terrible for putting it there.

“I’m not running again,” Robert said. “I promise.” He kissed Aaron very lightly once more and got out of the car. Aaron watched him before walking to the Woolpack. A drink was definitely needed.

* * *

 

Adam was already sitting in a corner of the pub when Aaron came in. Taking a grateful pint from Chas, he sat next to his friend. “How are you?” Adam asked.

“I’m fine,” Aaron said. “But he isn’t. And he’s pretending he is.”

“Was it him?” Adam asked. Aaron nodded quickly, feeling a little sick. “And?”

“Dead,” Aaron said. Seeing the shock on Adams face he wondered if they’d forgotten to mention that this morning. “We were at the morgue for Robert to identify him. I’ve never seen him that scared before.” It only reminded Aaron of how terrified Robert must have been when it’d actually happened.

“Mate, he’ll be all right,” Adam said, trying to be reassuring.

“I hope so.”

* * *

 

Aaron gave it about an hour and a half before he returned home. When he did he found Robert lying in the empty bathtub, crying. No, more like sobbing his heart out. Aaron hovered by the doorway, feeling his heart break. Robert lay naked, a towel clutched to his body. He’d clearly managed a shower because his blond hair was dark and wet.

“I can’t stop crying,” he breathed, knowing Aaron was there.

“Robert, can I touch you?” He nodded, still gasping for breath. Once Aaron had got permission, he reached for him quickly, cradling his head with both hands, trying to soothe him. “It’s all right,” he murmured, Robert twisting so his head rested against Aaron’s chest as he cried, safe and home. Aaron ran his fingers through Roberts damp hair, trying to comfort him the best way he knew. It was long minutes until Robert quietened, Aaron’s touch on his face helping.

“Thank you,” Robert said, eventually pulling away.

“If you’re hungry, there’s a burger in the kitchen. Marlon made me one to bring home.” Robert nodded. He could eat.

“Have you eaten?” Robert asked. Aaron shook his head, the truth was he couldn’t eat, still felt ill when he thought about Robert‘s abuse. Eating had been the last thing on his mind.

“Not hungry.” Robert didn’t argue, getting dressed while Aaron put the kettle on for tea. When Robert came into the kitchen, dressed only in jogging bottoms, Aaron looked at him warily.

“I’m done crying,” Robert said, voice a little hoarse. “I don’t know where that came from.”

“Eat,” Aaron said. And though the burger was nearly cold, he did eat, feeling better once he had.

“Have some chips,” Robert said. “You need to eat as well.” Aaron reluctantly ate them.

“I’m worried about you,” Aaron said.

“Don’t be,” Robert said. “I know saying that’s pointless but… I’m okay.”

“Do you want me to sleep on the sofa?” Aaron asked.

“No,” Robert said, feeling appalled that Aaron wanted to leave him. “No, I don’t. I need you.” Aaron smiled at him, a tired genuine smile, gripping his hand across the table.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

The days passed by, Aaron more careful of Robert since his mini meltdown. However, this was getting Robert frustrated. Since he’d dissolved into tears, he’d pulled himself back together, and he genuinely was okay. He still had bad moments where the memory pulled at him, but he suspected he always would. That for the rest of his life he’d have times when he would be back in those moments. He just had to accept that. He didn’t want to sacrifice the present or the future because of that night. Then those men would have won and Robert was never going to let that happen.

Robert sat at the kitchen table one afternoon, doing paperwork for the haulage firm when Aaron came home. He had no idea what Aaron had been doing at the scrap yard, but he was covered in oil and as soon as he got through the door he took his hoodie and his T shirt off. Robert let his eyes go over Aaron’s body, the desire prominent. Aaron looked so good that Robert was halfway over to him before he’d even made the conscious decision to move.

“Rob?” Aaron asked, unable to quite read his face.

“I want you.” Robert kissed him deeply, pushing him up against the kitchen wall, feeling Aaron’s warm body through the material of his own shirt. Aaron’s hands gripped his waist tightly, unwilling to push Robert away, though he thought he probably should. “I’m okay,” Robert breathed against his lips, sensing his hesitation. “And you look… sensational.”

Aaron smirked at him, looking up into his eyes as Robert’s fingers slowly undid his belt. Robert got to his knees, kissing and licking Aaron’s stomach as his hands slowly pushed Aaron’s jeans and boxers down his thighs.

“Robert…” Aaron whined, his fingers tight in Robert‘s hair.

“Oh, are you desperate?” Robert asked, teasing him. He cradled Aaron’s balls, toying with them, enjoying the harsh panting from above him.

“Robert, please…”

“What d’you want me to do?” Robert asked, smiling up at him. He knew exactly what Aaron wanted, but he loved to hear it.

“Taste me.” Robert did, flicking his tongue teasingly over him. He was just getting started when…

“Oh my God!” Robert turned quickly, hearing his sisters voice. They all froze in total shock as Victoria stood there, wide eyes and blinking at them.

“Heard of knocking?” Robert asked rudely as he got to his feet, Aaron zipping himself up.

“Aaron knew I was coming,” she said very quietly, dropping a plastic carrier bag on the kitchen table. “er… sorry. Er…. Carry on.” Victoria backed out and closed the door sharply.

“You knew she was coming over?” Robert asked, angry and annoyed at being interrupted. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“When was I supposed to mention it?” Aaron asked, just as annoyed as Robert. “When your tongue was down my throat or your mouth on my cock?” He couldn’t help the grin on his face, which Robert mirrored, though he still wanted him. Aaron sighed. “She mentioned you’d seemed unhappy lately. She wanted to come over and cheer you up.”

“I was doing a perfectly good job of cheering myself up, thanks” Robert grumbled. He’d enjoyed having his mouth around Aaron and he hadn’t been nearly finished.

“Bedroom?” Aaron asked, almost reading Robert’s mind.

“Absolutely,” Robert said, grinning.

* * *

 

_The Woolpack, The next day._

“The next time you want to bring over a food package, knock,” Robert said forcefully, putting a tray of their drinks on the table.

“I’m sorry,” Vic said as Adam kept laughing at the situation. Even Aaron had a reluctant smile on his face. The rest of the nights activities had more than made up for the small interruption. “Look, I won’t do it again, blame it on sleep deprivation.” All eyes went to the carry cot for a moment, Lily fast asleep. “Trust me, I don’t want the mental image of my brother on his knees again, thanks very much.”

“Vic!” Robert said, aware that people were listening to their conversation. They all ended up laughing into their drinks, all of them able to see the funny side.

“Can we talk about something else?” Aaron asked.

“England in the football?” Adam suggested.

“Something that isn’t depressing,” Robert added darkly.

* * *

 

An hour later, Victoria decided to take the baby home, she’d had enough. It was always fun having a drink with her friends but she was exhausted. 

Chas caught her eye and nodded to her before she had the chance to leave the pub.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“How is he?” Chas asked.

“Which one do you mean?” Vic asked. 

“Either of them,” Chas said, admitting that she might be a little concerned about Robert too.

“Look at them. Do they look happy to you?” Vic asked simply. They both turned, watching Aaron and Robert together, laughing at something Adam had said. They both noticed Robert’s hand toying with Aaron's lightly, both men seemingly not caring who was watching.

“Yeah,” Chas said. “They do.”

“Don’t give Robert such a hard time,” Vic said. “Deep down, he’s all right.”

“I know he makes Aaron happy,” Chas said. “I want them to be okay.”

“You’re actually happy for them?” Vic asked.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Chas said. “I just know how badly it would hurt Aaron if they split up.”

“Judging on what I walked in on yesterday, I think they’re doing just fine,” Vic said, eyebrows raised pointedly.

“What did you…? Actually, I don’t want to know.”

“No, you’re right, you don’t,” Vic said. “I’m going home. Night Chas.” Victoria left, leaving Chas watching the three men. She did not like Robert as a person, but what she’d said to Victoria was true. She knew the pain it would cause her son, were Robert to leave him. And seeing Aaron happy was all she wanted. Even she couldn’t help the smile on her face as Robert leaned over and kissed Aaron gently. Yes, Chas thought. They were going to be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading this, especially those who've left Kudos and taken the time to leave a comment. Hope this was a good hopeful ending to this story. Thank you.


End file.
